And that is not all. Portia Simpson Miller has represented Jamaica regionally and internationally with sophisticated ease:

CLASS PREJUDICE

You don't know how it grieve mi when mi hear fool-fool people a seh "But Portia kyaan represent wi a farin!" Is not even a question. Is a eedyat argument. Dem don't know nothing bout di woman ability an her experience. Dem just prejudice.

Is class prejudice an sex prejudice. She a no no Dr. Dis nor Dr. Dat like di man dem weh a run jostle her fi tun party leader. So she naa no sense. Is facetyness an foolishness. An wi fi stop it.

Look pon all George Bush. Im never one time lef America go a any other country before im tun president. Not even fi go a Canada. An mi never hear nobody a seh im naa no international experience so im kyaan represent im country a farin. Well im is a special case, so mek mi lef im.

JAMAICAN LANGUAGE UNIT

Then you see how I had to draw gear and switch from English to Jamaican to get that off mi chest. We really are a bilingual country. But some things are best expressed in your heart language.

A recent island-wide survey conducted by the Jamaican Language Unit at the University of the West Indies, Mona, has found that 80 per cent of the people interviewed believe that patwa (or Jamaican, as some of us say) is a bonafide language; 69 per cent say it should be an official language; and 71 per cent want bilingual schooling for their children.

According to the report published in The Gleaner on Wednesday, November 2, the majority of the respondents also said that "parliamentarians should deliver their speeches in Gordon House in the local dialect - patois - in order to communicate better with the public." So Sister P gone clear. She is fluent in both English and Jamaican.

(W)UMAN TONG(UE)

So let me tell you the whole story about Portia's three keys. It's an African-American story and I've adapted it for our Jamaican situation. And I'm sorry for all those people who don't know the Cassidy writing system for Jamaican. You are going to have to ask somebody to read it for you.

For almost five years I tried to teach the Cassidy orthography for Jamaican in my (W)uman Tong(ue) column. And some people couldn't bother to learn. It was too 'hard.' I bet you anything your children can read it. It's a phonetic system and much easier than it looks. By the way, I'm getting ready to publish a selection of these columns in a book. It's long overdue.

UMAN POWA

Lang taim abak, man an uman chrang siem wie. Dem fos an fait bout uu fi di du dis an uu fi du dat. Bot dem de pon di siem levl. Nobadi no chranga dan nobadi.

Wan die di man ed tek im, an im se im a go go a Gad so beg im fi mek im chranga dan uman. Im waan mos an boun ar fi du we im se shi fi du. So Gad tel im aarait. Im gi im muor chrent. Di man ron aal di wie fram hebn, im so waan go chrai out im chrent pan di puor uman. So im kech a yaad, im baal out, 'Uman, yu baas kom. Gad se mi kyaa angl yu eniou mi pliiz. Mi a di baas.'

Di uman fait im aaf siem taim. An im biit ar. Shi kech op bak arself an wiil an kom agen. Siem ting. Chrii taim shi chrai fi difen arself. An im biit ar, an im biit ar an im biit ar. An im tel ar se, if shi do we im tel ar fi du, im naa go biit ar. Bot eniou shi ribel, im a go kil ar wid lik.

Di uman beks, shi beks, shi beks. Shi maach chriet op a hebn an waan kala Gad. Shi tel im se shi waan bak ar powa. Gad tel ar se shi av di siem powa we shi av fram lang taim.

So shi aks im, we mek di man kyan biit ar nou, an im kudn dwiit wan taim. Gad tel ar se, di man kom beg im fi muor chrent, an im gi im. Uu aks, a dem get. So di uman beg Gad fi gi ar di sed siem chrent we di man av. An Gad se im kyaan dwiit. We im gi we, im kyaa tek bak.

WA DI DEBL TEL AR

Di uman beks til shi nierli bos. An shi maach go dong a di debl an tel im wapn. Im tel ar se shi no fi kil op arself. Shi fi go bak a Gad an beg im fi gi ar di chrii kii we im gat saida im chruon. An wen shi get dem, shi fi kum bak an im wi tel ar we fi du wid dem.

So di uman go an Gad gi ar di kii dem. An lisn we di debl tel ar fi du. 'Yu si dem kii ya? Dem gat muor powa dem aal a di man chrent. Dis fos big kii a fi di kichin. An yu nuo ou man lov dem beli. Dis neks kii a fi di bedruum; an yu nuo man a go beks if im kyaan go in de. An di laas kii a di kii fi di kriegl. Man waan nuo se im av pikni. So tek di kii dem an lak up evriting. An kip yu koni a yu beli. No bada chat out yu bizniz wen yu kech a yaad. Jos lak op evriting.

Wen di man kom uom, di uman sit aaf pan varanda a sing, 'It suun bi don, wid chroblz an chraialz, wen ai get uom pan di ada said.' Wen di man fain out se di duor dem lak doun tait-tait, im swel op laik bulfrag. Im chrai brok dem doun, bot dem udn boj. Im chrent kudn elp im.

So ier im tu di uman, 'Iz uu lak di duor dem?'

Shi tel im, 'A mi.'

'We yu get di kii dem?'

'Gad gi mi.'

FALA BAK A PORTIA

So im ron bak op tu Gad fi komplien. An Gad se a im gi di uman di kii dem fi chruu. Bot a di debl shuo ar ou fi yuuz dem. So di man aks Gad im if kyaa (gi) im a set a kii. An Gad tel im se, ?Naa, a no so it wok.? Im kyaan gi im no kii. Im fi gu bak go wok it out wid di uman.

So wen im kech bak a yaad, ier uol maasa wid im jinal self, 'Mek wi divaid op. Mi wi gi yu aaf a fi mi chrent, an yu mek mi huol aan pan di kii dem.'

Di uman shi a kansida an di debl jos kom tel ar fi main shaap shi no gi di man di kii dem. Im tel ar, 'Mek im kip im chrent an yu kip yu kii.' An a it mek man an uman ha fi giv an tek fi liv tugeda.