Amina Blackwood Meeks, ContributorLIKKLE MISS Jing Bang write Owen Blacka Ellis a letter. She gi him de most bodacious commendation for his nomination for an award as best international Caribbean Comedian. She is very proud of him, of de whole of dem who get nominate: Ity and Fancy Cat, Lemon, IceMan an Johnny.
Yu tink it easy fe every comedian into Jamaica get nominate into de same year into de same competition where some nuff big name country only get couple nomination? Dat is nat a joke. Dat is serious business. She invite every Jamaican fe write de whole a dem an issue dem special congratulations. She want de whole of dem to win. And you can have a say into it if yu go to www.becaawards.co.uk and vote.
Here is what else she want yu to do. Try and see if yu can tell de difference between a joker and comedian. She sey she dun know sey a comedian meck yu laugh but a joker force yu fe laugh afta dem. A comedian talk tings dat yu have to tink about. A joker meck yu wonder what him was tinking. For she watch de ting pan de teevee bout how hooman mus now maintain man an she laugh till har belly hurt har. An when she phone up Miss Lady fe fine out what to do for dat kind a belly pain she find out sey Miss Lady have it too. So she go look fe har an de two a dem siddung ova wan outsize enamel mug of strong ginger tea a wonder is what de people dem who come up wit such an outrageous notion was really tinking.
First to commence, Miss Lady inform Jing Bang sey de idea of Jamaica hooman a maintain man is nat anything new. From ancient of days we great gran-hooman fambly dem a maintain man, let us count de ways. Yu ever see a man a walk from river inna country or standpipe inna town wid bucket a wata pan him head? But him come outa road clean doagh? Him clothes wash and him skin clean. How him get maintain into dat condition?
HOW DE CLOTHES BUY?
Nuff a dem doan even know how de clothes buy. Dem nuh know how much hand a partner throw fe buy de bed what dem sleep pan or how de sheet and pillowcase dem wash fe dem maintain into a state of relaxation pan clean sheet. An afta all thirty-eight years a dat nuff a dem tun de hooman out pan de street wid nat even a toothpick to har name.
Well JB sey she know some young hooman right now who have dat deh ole fashion notion inna dem head an all some whodaon even live inna de same house as de hooman dem get some top quality maintenance.
Dem jus pass tru when dem feel like wid great expectations, like Charles Dickens a fe dem daddy, an expeck fe get whatever dem come fah and expeck fe leave whenever dem want, an expeck sey de hooman fe jus teck it so an say nutten, an expeck har fe siddung like Miss Havisham till de nex time dem need some more maintainance.
JB sey all who nuh know whey she a talk bout fe go fine wan book an read. For de real issue is nat bout if hooman a go maintain man, de real issue is bout when de man dem a go maintain demself like sensible, responsible human being an realise sey de book outa balance, dem owe de hooman dem nuff-nuff. Yu kean jus jump up an start talk bout equality if yu nuh have equity. Law is nat a ting fe falla fashion or meck outa revenge. Law is a ting fe relate to de socio-cultural context, law is a ting fe correck de political and economic imbalance of power what have too much man a kick dung an bully-ride hooman areddi fe dem owna tings what dem struggle fah, an feel dem have entitlement widout support of law, jus because dem name man. Before yu can reach equality, likkle balance have to restore. Big wud people call it restorative justice.
SERIOUS BACKLASH COMING
Miss Lady sey yu kean jus give injustice de backitive of law. She sey she foresee some serious backlash coming. Lazy man out deh a rejoice an she know nuff hooman who naw siddung an teck dat. Dem a go lash right back. JB she did meck up har mind lang time sey no man naw teck whey she have an leff har unda mango tree an she an Miss Lady burst into song, "Before me marrid an go hug up mango tree, me we live so me wan?" She propose dat dere be a moratorium pan marriage wedda by common or uncommon law for as yu know mose Jamaicans is acquainted wid de common way of doing it an mose Jamaicans are poor.
Dis law is nat going to have de same effeck pan all economic class of hooman. An nuff more poor hooman out deh dan poor man. Every big learning smaddy tell we sey poverty has a feminine face. An yu nuh see dem outa street carna a bawl bout nutten naw gwaan fe dem. Yu nuh see dem unda shap piazza a play domino a beg smaddy fe buy dem a drink or a cigarette. Dem a pound sidewalk a try fe meck sumpen gwaan fe dem an dem pikney what more dan thirty-tree percent a dem maintain widout help from wan domino-playing-carna-league-siddung-an-look-pan-hooman-a- pass, man. Dem inna evening class an workshop a try improve dem condition, sometime de pikney dem deh pan dem hip or inna dem lap same time. An now law sey hooman is to maintain man if far whatever reason she decide sey is time fe she enjoy some a de sweat of har owna brow. What a crosses double up pan de poor economically
disadvantaged hooman dem again.
FIVE YEARS A NUH NUTTEN
JB determine now fe go study fe lawyer, even by correspondence course, specialising into prenuptial agreements. For hooman will have to agree sey de days of dem help fe buil house an get run outa it chu dem nuh have one receipt fe show is over. Miss Lady sey if Jing Bang do dat, as ole as she is she a go upgrade har likkle book-keeping skills into proper accounting an open a business fe quantify an value an write dung every navel-gravel what persons enter relationship wid, every pin what dem contribute during de life of said union an every effort dem meck fe betta demself till dem decide fe part.
If yu come widout one "plea" yu fe lef same way, it kean jus tun inna "pleat" jus because yu was dere. Nuff man wudda jus wait out de time like is a prison sentence an watch whey de hooman accumulate an den demands him share. All dem likkle bwoy-bwoy whey outa street a wait fe Stella, she betta open har yeye dem wide. For nuff a dem nuh mind de sentence, five years a nuh nutten. JB sey nat a ting is wrang wid fe har groove, she nuh want a man do a ting fe help har fine it, nat even open door, next ting him list it as administrative support and come claims fe it, sey it cause him shoulder fe depreciate.
Furdermore, if de law is about equality, de man dem fe equal up demself an pay off dem debt. Dem owe hooman nuff backpay. Equal up demself into de classroom. Equal up to de task of cooking and washing an goin to parent-teachers meeting. Equal up wit de effort fe try an meck de world a safer, less violent place. Equal up to eliminate dutty, disrespectful lyrics bout hooman dat see dem as nutten but a convenience fe man.
Equal up demself fe meck way inna Parliament fe more hooman, equal up to a hooman a maintain dis whole island as Prime Minister. A so hooman fe maintain man, yes. An right deh so de two a dem belly stap hurt dem an dem never even finish de ginger tea.
