Wendel Abel
WE ALL play games in this world. These games are played in the way we think, our behaviour and the roles we play. What are the games which you play? We hope by reading this article you will understand your life better and the games you play and the games others play around you.
NEGATIVE THINKING
Many of us engage in negative thinking. These negative thinking sometimes hold us back and stifle our progress. Here is a list of negative thinking we commonly employ in our daily lives. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts (Marcus Antonius).
Minimisation - Focusing on the negative and discounting the positives in your life.
Catastrophic thinking - This involves assuming the worst at all times.
Ideas of deprivation - This involves always believing that we are the worst off. Common examples are: We are poor! I am not doing well! Things hard you see!
Unfavourable comparison: Many of us tend to make unfavourable comparisons with other persons or other situations. They are great. I am no good. Avoid comparing yourself with others in life. Recognise that you are a special and unique human being. We all have our special talents, abilities and skills. Accept these talents and use them to achieve the greatest good in your life.
Blaming and not taking responsibility - "I am a loser because of my childhood." "I can't do better because of my boss." "It's the government's fault."
DEALING WITH NEGATIVE THINKING
1 Beware: Become beware of your negative thinking. As human beings, we are the only species who are able to think about our thinking.
2 Challenge your negative thoughts: Challenge these negative thoughts as they appear on a daily basis.
3 Reframe your negative thoughts: Transform these negative thoughts into more positive thinking.
4 Affirm - start using positive affirmations: Paste these affirmations in your room. "I am great", "I am special" "I can accomplish what I seek to achieve". Start doing this today. A little girl was once asked to recite a poem at her school. She stepped on the platform and said, " I am happy and wonderfully blessed". Start affirming this in your life today.
5 Let go of the past: Many of us forever live in the past. We hold on to past hurts and pains. We are constantly talking about what our parents did, what happened to us in past relationships, past wrongs and failures. Let go of the past. Move on.
6 Stop the pity party: The only party that some people throw is a pity party. Are you someone who is constantly complaining? Stop the griping and the whining. People do not want to hear complaints all day. Start celebrating the positives in your life.
7 Find your centre: You will never be truly happy until you have found your centre. This involves learning to accept yourself, learning to believe in yourself and learning to love yourself. The Bible teaches that we must love your neighbour as thyself. In order to love your neighbour you must therefore get to the point where you truly love yourself. Start loving yourself today. This is not about being selfish but it is about learning to value and appreciate yourself.
8 Stop being an enabler: Many times persons come to me complaining about their children, their spouses and the fact they cannot get them to change their behaviours, such as drinking alcohol or using drugs. Very often the problem lies not only with the person displaying the unacceptable behaviour, but also the concerned relatives or friends. By our actions and our attitudes, we enable other people's behaviour on a daily basis. You may need to take some tough decisions or show the other person tough love! But stop being an enabler.
9 Know and state your needs: Do you find that your needs are never met? Maybe you have not taken time out to reflect on your needs. In life, you sometimes have to state those needs. Do not leave the other person to be guessing. Stop the guessing game. State those needs clearly today.
Dr. Wendel Abel is a consultant psychiatrist and senior lecturer, University of the West Indies; phone: 922-3216; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.
