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Jing Bang wants de world to know that a Jamaican vote is worth more than a Pajero, more than a house.
Amina Blackwood-Meeks, Contributor
WELL, OLE time people seh, dawg have shine teeth laugh afta butcher. Dem shudda see Likkle Miss Jing Bang teeth now. Dem is always at dem shinest best de greater de level of mischief dat she get up to. An dere it is, dem ketch har on de Internet trying to sell votes.
Is not as if she is totally unaware of all the other important issues to be addressed, like from where is the overseas police to be recruited and how are we to guarantee that not one ever heard the name Amadou Diallo or Rodney King or people like that? She seh she nat even asking if de whole world doan already proclaim that international drug traffickers have links with international police and such and how come we who go all over de worl an get top prize in anyting yu get all ova de worl, kean stay right here and figure out what is wrong with our police and fix it an export de solution to solve we foreign exchange challenge. She seh if she had to vote on the issue she would vote into de box dat mean 'no to farin police'.
SELL VOTES
Well that is how she get this idea to sell votes. For if de man in Missouri could do it, she could do it too. Actually, he wasn't such a good businessman for him was only selling one vote, fe him own, for a mere 25 Uncle Sam dallas. Well, maybe that is why him lan up into hot water. Nobody bought it an jail nearly ketch him. But of course. According to JB, if you have something as precious as a vote an decide to sell it so grossly underpriced, de authorities nuh mus come fe yu. Either you have no idea of the value of the thing, or it is counterfeit or is teef yu teef it.
So dere she was trying to figure out how to arrive at the exact value of a vote when de Electoral Advisory Commission rushed to her assistance. In case you missed it, it was published in the daily newspapers dat de goodly people in charge of such matters decide fe charge Govament 490 million big Jamaican dollars to verify which part voters live so that they would be facilitated to vote in the right place in the next election. Now that's planning ahead or planning by the head, for the next election doan announce yet and Jamaicans are a moving target.
ELECTION PREVIOUSNESS
Up into America all de same, cow have birth paper to facilitate tracking of dem, so maybe dat could happen here too. Jing Bang declare dat Govament use Ivan an pap de election previousness. For Ivan dun mash up so much tings, including people headspace that significant amount of reconstruction had to be done before such a request could be contemplated. Well JB contemplate it.
Just suppose that all 3 million Jamaicans living on the Rock were registered voters and every single one of them move and was in need of verification, do the maths, that works out to be $163 million to verify one vote. And is only 2.5 million dem officially declare. Even if we add the three million who gallivanting around in the newly discovered diaspora, that's $81.5m a piece. Every single Jamaican is a multimillionaire. Truth is vote-buying is not such a novel idea. Regular as clock work yu hear allegations bout people buying votes at Party Conventions and one very upstanding politician sound de alarm recently dat vote-buying could figure very prominently into our immediate future. But people have been selling de ting short. Jing Bang mek a plan fe sell fe har vote an never work again fe de res a har life. She seh dat would be like winning de lotto, 'never bruk again, never bruk again'. She seh like how it guarantee by convention that no party win less than two terms into Jamaica she only have to mek a 10 year plan for economic security.
First step is to put the money into some investment plan that mek 10 per cent minimum per annnum. Do the maths again, yu teking home approximately $135, 833.33 every four weeks for nothing more than the cost of your vote. If you really want to mek money just move after the first verification but if you into stability, just move every 10 years an leave de res to inflation. The Minister of Finance now would be somebody who call in every vote seller and give dem de same advice him give real lotto winners as to how to manage dem budget, no cost overruns. And that is just for the local votes. To verify de migrant votes is a whole nadda lotto. What does it cost to import a vote? For if yu local an dem have to verify where yu live in order for yu vote to count, how dem verify yu address by proxy?
MARKETING
JB launch a marketing programme fe har vote-selling business. Yu must seh something bout de national interest. Sell yu vote an solve crime why rob if you have money. Yu kean extort yu owna self?
Sell votes and end universal adult sufferage for universally all de adults are suffering. Turn de ting around.
Get revenge, for one time if you didn't have money yu cudden vote well all who doan have money kean get your vote.
Give de Govament a chance to put yu taxes to good use, use it an buy yu vote at leas yu know where yu taxes going.
Jing Bang wants de world to know that a Jamaican vote is worth more than a Pajero, more than a house. It is worth more than one trip to farin it can afford any visa.
Alas, she put it up on the Internet, an it look like some cyber pirate teef de idea for de next time she check de site she see a sign mark, 'We apologise but this site is temporarily unavailable. Please try again later.'
