Michael Reckord, Contributor"I PRINTED these items off the Internet this morning to show you," Artie said, waving two sheets of letter-sized paper. "Both are on the subject of the Jamaican man."
"Are we shown positively or negatively?" I asked my young friend. We were sitting on his verandah on Wednesday afternoon.
"Both, in a way." Handing me one of the sheets, Artie said, "This is a joke Dad sent from New York."
A JLP activist goes to an obeah man in St Thomas and tells him of her distress over the party's continuing disunity. She is now wondering if it will ever get back into power.
"Can you make the party united again?" she asks. "If not, I may have to leave it."
The obeah man looks doubtful. "Dat going be difficult, maybe impossible. Yu know how many people in de party want to take over from Mr. Seaga when him decide to go -- if him ever decide to go? Dere's Pearnel, Audley, Bruce, Mike and Babsy -- jus' to name a few. How can de party unite wid all dose strong personalities fighting over de leadership? Ask me fah someting easier."
GOOD JAMAICAN MAN
"Okay," says the woman, "you've convinced me I'd best quit politics. So, help me find a good Jamaican man to settle down with, one who doesn't drink, smoke, gamble, tell lies, has a good job, loves children, is faithful ..."
The obeah man throws up his hands. "Hold on, hold on. Let me try to unite de JLP."
"Okay," I said to Artie, smiling and placing the sheet on the table beside me. "Bow, let's see the positive one."
He handed me the second sheet of paper. "This is the transcript of an on-line conversation I had with a Jamaican immigrant to the States. I don't know how he got my e-mail address.
"Oh, dozens of spam mailers have it," I said. "Why shouldn't he?"
Artie shrugged. "That's true. Anyway, he's a father of three and he wants all of them to get Jamaican spouses. It seems his marriage to an American didn't work out. I added our names to this last page of the conversation so it would be clear."
Here's the dialogue Artie had printed:
Artie: I'm no marriage broker, you know? I'm reporter.
Father: So you know lots of people.
Artie: What are your children's names?
Father: Chris, Suzy and Mike. But I only want you to find a husband for Chris, who is the eldest. Suzy and Mike are still in school.
Artie: Jamaican men have a bad reputation. What's wrong with an American guy?
Father: Young black American males have a worse reputation. Did you know that nearly a quarter of young black men here are in jail or in some trouble with the police? And most of them don't read. I mention that because I'm a university professor and a good education is very important to me -- and to Chris.
Artie: Our young men are underachieving educationally. A recent survey showed -- and I'm quoting from The Sunday Gleaner that "more than half the number of high and secondary schools in the island have been rated well below a C level." Other surveys show that at all levels the girls are outclassing the boys. If you'd asked me to find a good wife for Mike, it would've been easier.
Father: (laughs) When he grows up; he's only12. I saw Dr. Minott's report and I want you to get a graduate from Campion College or Munro for Chris. Those are the top schools with male students.
Artie: How old is Chris?
Father: Twenty-two. So a young university graduate would do, too.
Artie: What about an older university graduate? Women usually marry men older than themselves.
Father: Chris is not a woman. 'Chris' is short for Christopher.
SAME SEX MARRIAGES
Artie: What!
Father: Oh, didn't I explain I'm in Boston, Massachusetts? Same sex marriages are now legal here, you know.
Artie: Goodbye, Boston.
As, laughing, I finished reading, Artie asked, "Well, does that father look at Jamaican men positively or negatively?"
"Both, in a way," I said, echoing Artie's earlier verdict. "And what's also ironic is that 200-odd years after it led the American struggle for independence, Boston is leading the struggle for gay rights. One opponent is the president, who wants gay marriages declared unconstitutional. Time will tell who'll win, Boston or Bush."
