ALTHOUGH A woman's anger might not be as violently or dramatically expressed as some men's, there are many angry women walking around.
Ivret Williams, counselling psychologist, points out that many women tend to repress and suppress anger.
We do not have to look far to see the effect of anger on the family.
"In their relationships, women can distance themselves mentally because they are angry. A man may be talking about his hopes and ideas, but she is not interested. Emotionally, she distances herself, refusing to share his pain when he is having problems at work," the counsellor said.
A woman might also distance herself physically by sleeping in the children's room or going back home for the weekend.
She distances herself sexually by claiming to have headaches. Frigidity is another response. Women can also project anger on children, using them as a scapegoats, as she does not feel herself strong enough to confront her husband who is the breadwinner.
Responses
She might beat her child mercilessly. Alternatively, she might get involved with children to the exclusion of the man. In an angry response, she may also become under-involved and neglect children.
Who are angry women and why do they respond to problems the way they do?
Individuals who are Type A personalities will get angry easily, Mrs. Williams suggests. Then, there are others who suffer from faulty thinking, such as "It is either my way or its not right".
Childhood history might also be a factor. A woman who was brought up in conflicting environment will tend to be conflicted in the way she deals with many situations. "Some of us still throw a temper tantrum at age 36," Counsellor Williams comments.
Deeply religious persons are also more inclined to repress rather than express anger, because there are some churches that teach that one should not show anger.
Unfair criticism, harbouring resentments, living in overcrowded conditions and rejection are other factors causing anger.
Rejection
A woman who might have been rejected as a child might experience these feeling again in her relationship. When her partner disagrees with what she is saying, she might feel the same feelings of rejection and therefore get angry.
A feeling of abandonment can also cause a women to be angry. She fears that she will be abandoned and becomes very insecure.
We do not necessarily have to be crippled by anger, whatever its causes, Williams points out.
Anger is normally a healthy emotion experienced by everyone, Williams says. It occurs in various degrees of intensity and it can go from mild annoyance and aggravation to intense fury and rage.
Anger can be of short duration, coming and going quickly or it may persist for decades in the form of bitterness resentment or hatred. While it can be destructive, anger can also be constructive, as it can motivate one to work towards fixing things that are wrong.
Leading cause
However, we should be mindful of the fact that anger is considered the leading cause of misery, depression, inefficiency, sickness and accidents worldwide, Mrs Williams says.
Women, and everyone, must find ways to manage their anger.
"What happens in anger is the same that response that happens in stress. The body releases the energy hormone which is adrenaline and this hormone prepares the body for fight or flight. Some people will fight in anger or run away.
"What makes anger unhealthy is the way we express it." Anger, properly managed, can be used in positive ways too, or lead to changes for the better, said the counselling psychologist.
Next week: Managing anger, finding peace
