AS PARENTS, you may feel as if you are always responsible for providing for your children, even after they have become adults and are capable of going out into the world to make it on their own.
Parents need to know how to step back and allow their children to grow, by making mistakes and brushing themselves off to try again.
Children, on a whole, need to be taught independence (especially over-dependent children), to survive in a world that is at times harsh and cruel.
So, if you have a child returning home after college, probably because they have not yet acquired a job and need a place to reside until they can afford an apartment, here are a few tips to help you cope with this situation.
SET AN OBJECTIVE
Agree on an objective and a time period in which to achieve it. This will give your child a sense of working towards the next stage in life, which will eventually lead to their venturing out on their own.
During this time period, actively follow up on your child's search for a job. If possible, provide leads to available job positions and follow up on their interviews. If you can provide helpful tips on how to prepare for an interview, do so.
After your child gets hired, he/she may need a little time to save towards an apartment (even more time will be required if they also need to save for a vehicle).
IDENTIFY A CONTRIBUTION
Here is where you can contribute towards their becoming more independent.
Most parents may not like the idea of collecting rent from their kids, but there are other ways to get your child to contribute to the household. Let them pay the phone bill, or set up a schedule where they are in charge of cooking dinner twice a week for the family.
It would be helpful to show them the household budget you've worked out, in order to give them a sense of how much things cost, and also add to their knowledge of running their future home.
REMEMBERING THAT
THEY ARE ADULTS
Be careful not to lose sight of the fact that your child is no longer a baby (they can handle decision-making, doing their own laundry, cleaning their room, among other things).
Having everything done for them may backfire on you in the long run, when your child is unable to stand on his/her own two feet. Note, however, that you will still need to implement certain rules.
Because they are adults does not mean they can do anything they please, for instance hosting house parties every weekend. They still need to remember that they are living in their parents' house and respect that. So go ahead and make that list of rules your child will have to conform to, while living with you.
DIPPING INTO SAVINGS
A big 'don't,' if it can be avoided, is to be careful not to dip into your savings e.g. your retirement fund, to support your adult working child.
Instead, show them how to budget their income wisely, and if you do choose to collect a small rental fee from them, put it in an investment or savings account. You could surprise them when they are ready to move out with this money that may probably be the down payment on their new place.
It is true that your children, regardless of their age, will always be important to you, and you may feel as if they will always be your responsibility. In spite of these emotions, you need to give them breathing room to grow and build a life for themselves, the way you have built yours.
Let your present lifestyle, examples of good spending and budgeting habits be passed on to your kids, so the adjustment period they'll have into the world of adulthood will be as easy a transition as possible.
To further discuss investing and the many options we have available, contact DB&G at info@mydbg.com or toll free
at 1-888-CALL DBG.
