Amina Blackwood-Meeks, Contributor
Dear Cousin into Farin,
MISS LOU come and gane. And doan badda wid dat, "hi, Amina, man, again? It was only a special Independence Party, one not meant to last forever. Could we just get back to normal now?"
Well Cuz, that's the problem. The story of Miss Lou is like the statue out at Emancipation Park, it doan have no limitations. It's just there, larger than life, at least larger than some people imagine life to be and no matter how hard dem try it is not going away. You just don't spend that kind of money and baps, wire bend the story end. No, Jack Mandora doesn't quite work like that. But that is not exactly what this missive is about.
Yu nuh see sey Miss Lou pop dem again? Yes chile dem try to ship her off before school open so de school children would straighten out dem tongue and get back to losing dem confidence into Queen grammar in time for September roll call.
What a palampam when roll call over and teacher open up discussion bout "today's topic is a memorable moment in my summer holidays". You know how Miss Jane likkle one love chat and she was the chief flag waver outa de airport in Miss Lou's coming and the only one in her goings.
Imagine that eh? After all the everything transmitted for maximum crowd the Hon. Dr. The Honorable gane back to cold foreign minus applause. I did tink dem wud give her a little piece of the rock with a nice warm dwelling and nurse round de clock and such, for other Ambassadors at Large have been known to receive same. Maybe it plan to announce in Heroes Week all the same for you never know.
PATOIS VS ENGLISH
But I digress, back to Miss Jane likkle one. You can imagine when teacher open up dat topic and she put han a kimbo an leggo two Miss Lou poem pan dem bout de boonoonoonoos sassafrastic time she had. And how she was hoping for piece of de roas turkey but it look like Aunty Roachy never got around to it seeing as how is not yet thanksgiving but she give thanks for de two likkle bump of panda cake.
I want to be a fly on dat wall. For you know is whose class she move up into. The very teacher who every year train de debate team with the one topic, "It is infradig to speak in the Jamaican vernacular", and she only training the children to propose the moot. What a prekkeh. How now is she going to tell the children not to speak like she whom they were but recently saluting with bans of flag-waving. Plus dem now behold for themselves dat she spoke intelligently and creditably bout big world globalised topic, like the dignity with which other places treat senior citizens, and never uttered one likkle twang. It sweet me yu see!
You remember how we used to have to write a letter to a friend telling them about your holidays. Imagine Isaiah likkle one into de same class, who not only like to speak like the Queen but often imagines himself speaking to the Queen like dear departed Idi Amin Dada. See fe him letter here, a la Idi:
Dear Queen:
I write to let you know that we are going to overthrow you. The least we are going to do is subvert the Empire. We are cultivating the most animals in the world designed to confuse your historians and archivists.
Be it known that Elephant Man is alive and well. Forget all the documentation you might have seen about him being English and having lived in whichever past century. Him is down here in Jamaica waving at every plane dat past.
No, he is not begging a lift to come home. As a matter of fact he has so much money he could purchase parachutes for every passenger in every plane that passes. Him just want you to know sey is him de Jamaican Elephant Man who escaped the bunching up in schools that love to bunch up poor people so dem doan even get a glimpse at the backboard. Is him who refuse to twist up him mout outa shape and strain him vice fe sound like you.
Is him who wasn't supposed to come out to nutten, who come out wid some lyrics and some dance to match dat meck English teacher have to sit up and wanda is what a gwaan. Furdermore out dere in de jungle dat Queen language create fe him, him buck up some odder animals like Zebra and Tiger under de able command of some people who set up an army dat was not in your plan for dese territories.
Dem calling demself names like Brigadier as in Jerry and General as in Trees and such an kick up such a top-ranking rumpus dat people like National Geographic have to write that not since Crete has an island nation had such profound impact on civilization.
Is when dem see such pronouncements dem meck up dance. Is like every day is a new dance. But is long time we using dance to subvert everything. Even Third World did sing sey "when dem lick him wid de whip, grandpa gi dem de riddim."
See dat? Out of the mouth of babes. Is a long tradition of popping dem produce Miss Lou an de whole bunch of Miss Lou's children. And dem growing and multiplying. So Britannia can stay dere ruling de waves.
Our people have such bitter memories of that that we practically abandon thought of swimming so we not even seeing de waves. We leave dat to people who fighting to protect tings like dolphins from people who tink dem rule de waves. We down here ruling de airwaves and more people tune in to dat. Is so we run tings. We turn de world upside down an meck it stand up pan its head an pay attention while we meck riddim dem kean dance to, meck up words dem kean undastand and put notes togedda meck dem wanda if is music. An aldoagh dem doan know what it is dem doan want to be left behind so dem line up backa we culture like a Forest Gump movie.
See? De whole a dem mad, sick, head nuh good. Doan worry doagh we have some extra head pan charger. Wait till we teck dem out an put dem awn. Is a whole nodda level of creative subversion ...
Pleny to say but time is short.
The letta close.
Your same cousin
Amina.
