Cover story - Shy no more

- Winston Sill
Champs model Christopher Whitelock. How easy is it to create a more confident you?

Avia Ustanny, Freelance Writer

SHE ALWAYS appears to be speed walking. As Tanisha, a teenager, approaches any group her legs attempt to out-walk each other.

The thoughts in her mind are going just as fast as her anxiety level spikes.

She explains, "Whenever I was approaching a crowd, I just wish I was out of it. People tell me that I suddenly speed up. I just cannot abide people looking at me." Creating physical distance between herself and crowds is her way of dealing with unbearable anxiety. She adds, "Meeting someone for the first time is hard. I could mess up and say the wrong thing. I am scared of messing up."

Shyness and feelings of insecurity affect as much as 40 per cent of the population, experts note. Among another 50 per cent, many admit to having been shy at some point in their lives. Rising from a deep desire for social acceptance and the fear of rejection, a lack of self-assurance affects almost half of the population. Starting frequently in the highly sensitive teen years, shyness frequently persists into adulthood, negatively affecting individuals in their relationships, their performance on the job, and their own, general sense of happiness. Nothing is ever right with the world when one feels that there is something fundamentally wrong with yourself, one woman tells Outlook.

Research has shown that low self-esteem also tends to play a major role in substance abuse. The most severe and debilitating type of distress that a socially anxious person suffers is the panic or anxiety attack. These attacks manifest themselves in two ways: as a wave of free floating
anxiety, or in response to specific situations. According to the experts, speaking in front of a group, interacting with an authority figure, fear of being watched, and intimacy with the opposite sex, are some of the situations that can activate the panic which can be characterised by an overall feeling of losing control, heart palpitations, dizziness, hyperventilation, and other physical symptoms. Though others may not suffer with such severity, the effects of their shyness is cripplingly felt.

This week in Outlook, will explore with psychologists Dr. Ruth Doorbar and Dr. Barrington Davidson the roots of shyness and methods of increasing of self-esteem.

They say it is not impossible to learn to love yourself, to learn to be brave and finally to encourage others to value you as much as you value yourself ­ which is as much as you deserve.

Says Dr. Davidson, "To have a good self-concept is to have a healthy 'self-like', which means that you have accepted yourself. It does not mean that you are puffed up with self-importance. You make no false claims, rather, you accept yourself with your faults as well as your strengths, and you feel you deserve respect of others.

"You realise that you fail from time to time, but you feel secure in what you do. You have learned to build on your strengths and to compensate for your weaknesses. What you have been unable to change, you have learned to live with. You are sincere and open. You accept yourself as a worthwhile individual.

"Such a healthy type of self-respect frees you to turn your attention to others. It frees you to cross the line between thinking about yourself all the time, and giving adequate attention to the 5.99999... billion others around you."