Patricia Watson, Senior Staff Reporter
SHE CALLED him her pet. It is almost one year now since, Jane McGeelost her last child, Tommyto the deadly Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS). She has not yet come to terms with his death caused by what she terms, a 'wicked' disease. She still cries when she remembers her strong, tall and handsome son, being fed upon by a disease now affecting hundreds of Jamaicans.
She still questions, why? Why did her son have to die? Where did such a wicked disease come from?
"A miss him so much, he was my little company," she told Outlook smiling, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Mrs. McGee, a humble woman residing in rural St. Catherine, cared for her son for three years until his death at age 29 last year. Tommy was an intelligent young man, who was employed by one of the largest institutions involved in security in Jamaica. Prior to her son illness, she had never known HIV or AIDS. She knew it was something to be feared, but that was it. So when her son became ill, although she had no idea what was wrong, she was certain of one thing, that she wanted him to be better.
"One night I saw a lot of bumps on his foot and a seh, 'Tommy, what happen to you', and he say 'mosquito bite me'. But I never see any mosquito bite like that, so a buy some sulphur bitters, but the bumps still there. Every day, it was like something bite him, every day, it get worse and it gwaan and gwaan until one day I get some Whittfield ointment and it helped a bit," she said.
Unknown to Mrs. McGee, Tommy had reached the stage of the infection where his body was being attacked by opportunistic illnesses. That is, his immune system had become weakened making it easy for him to become ill.
Mrs. McGee explained that she went overseas for a short while and on her return, she found that Tommy had gotten worse, but what caused her most pain was his refusal to go to a doctor. She explained she gave money to him to go to the doctor and his sisters also gave him money, but still he refused. Tommy was at this time not working as he was too ill to do so.
"Every day he stayed in bed and sleep and when him wake up his eyes were red," she recalled.
According to her, he was there practically wasting away before her eyes. Unable to watch him suffering and not knowing what was wrong, Mrs. McGee did something, only a mother in love with her child would do. She went to the Court in Spanish Town and had him served with a summons to attend court to explain why he refused to see a doctor.
Tommy was ordered to go to the Health Centre to do a blood test, which he did, but refused to go to the doctor for prescription to treat his illness. He served 13 days in lock-up until he decided to go to the doctor.
"Mi couldn't know sey him sick and allow him to drop down dead in the yard. You can't have somebody sick and a suffer and let them just stay and die," Mrs. McGee said.
Shortly after seeing the doctor, Tommy stabbed himself. Apparently, the confirmation of his HIV status was too much to bear. Luckily, he did not die, but he had to undergo treatment at Bellevue Hospital, before he was well enough to return to the Jamaica AIDS Support Hospice, where he was placed after being released from hospital.
Nurse Donett Wellington of the Jamaica AIDS Support (JAS) told Outlook that when Tommy first came to JAS, he was boisterous and used to destroy furniture. However through his former employer, they were able to give him the treatment he required at Bellevue. She explained also that people react differently when they are told of their HIV status, which is why counselling is important. According to her, some people may faint, go into trances, or act crazy as Tommy did.
After spending a few months at the hospice, Tommy went home to his mother, who, despite all she had learnt about HIV and AIDS in that short period, cared for him until his death.
"Mi couldn't know sey him nuh have anybody to take care of him and lie a roadside and people...," she tried to explain but overcome by emotions. "I just couldn't deal with that I couldn't live that life. Imagine on the streets and no one to help him? No, I couldn't do that."
Mrs. McGee explained that she and her son grew even closer during the last three years of his life.
"Sometimes, he would crawl into mi bed ... we laugh and sometime when a feel tired and weak, he would say (jokingly), 'but mama, how you must weak and is me sick'," she said smiling.
Mrs. McGee said she never said anything to hurt him, but tried to make him as comfortable as possible. Her philosophy was simple.
"Jesus died for everybody and everyone is a man in the sight of God. Everybody must know what they are doing because it will come back around. You must help others always try to help others."
Nurse Wellington said Mrs. McGee, with the support of her family, made Tommy feel accepted despite his illness. She explained that he always commented on the support he was getting, but was also concerned about the pressure it was putting on his mother. Only the two of them lived in the community more than 30 miles from Spanish Town.
The community too did not make them feel like outcasts, Mrs. McGee said. According to her, many at church knew her son was HIV positive, but they treated her the same as usual.
"I didn't talk to people (in the community) about him. I don't know how they would act, but the Minister usually come and pray for him and Nurse (Wellington) come three times per week," she noted.
"There are things you wouldn't say to your family (in situations like this). So think it was helpful for people like us to come in and talk to them," Christine English of JAS said.
Mrs. McGee herself noted that she was surprised that strangers would travel from Kingston to help her with her son.
"I was surprised and happy and I just start to lean on them. I felt they were everything. You wouldn't know how much they mean to me. You just wouldn't understand how much it helped," she said softly.
HIV is a very lonely disease. Based on the high levels of discrimination and stigma, people find it difficult to share their feelings. However, there are organisations that can help families to deal with the illness. Families and communities too must understand that one cannot get HIV by talking to an infected person. Neither can you get it hugging, sharing the same seat, through mosquito bites, from using the same plate or fork.
So like Mrs. McGee, families can help in the care of those infected with HIV, once they follow the correct precautions. Families and friends have nothing to fear from the person infected with the virus.
When asked if she would go through all the trouble to get her son to a doctor and then care for him, she said it was no trouble.
"A would do it again. A don't see anything wrong with what I did."
Names changed to protect identities.
