Tony Hendricks, ContributorMr. Face, is a long time me nuh write you, don't it? Is because me still touring You Rope and getting waylaid.
Me go to Paris. It's beige. For real! Every building in de city beige and all de same height too. Ten story high and khaki in colour.
It pretty but it look like a city dress in school uniform. From de Arc De Tree Hump (which is ongle one hump not tree and look like a bridge dem can't find nowhere to put) through Place De Concorde (which is where de big nose plane drop couple year a back) all de way to De Louvre (me nuh see no jalousie just plenty painting of naked lady, nuff carving of man with leaf instead a willy and statue of lady with no arms, legs or heads), even de church with de lizard in de bag, de Sack Croaker, is beige like everything else. Well, everything except de Pompidou Centre.
I wonder if Pompidou was Jamaican. Him could be because de building big and pretty so till you can see it for miles. It paint every colour a de rainbow dat don't match, blue & orange, yellow & red, green & purple.
It square and de A/C duct, staircase, lift and plumbing pipe deh pon de outside like him done build it den suddenly remember him forget nuff tings. Still, is one of a kind in all dem khaki building. It stick out like a labourite in parliament.
Talking bout skettel, me stop in de red light district. Don't yuh fi stop when you see red light Mr. Face? Well, me almost stop breath.
Dem have some den of inequality call Moulin. Me did think Moulin was one nice likkle Chinese girl in cartoon but the ongle Chinese girl me see was in de Moulin Rude but when you see what she do you know why dem have so much optician in Paris. Man can blind easy round there.
Nuff in common
One place name Museum D'Erotique display all de private parts dat missing from the carving and statue in the Louvre. Me di want see de Cathedral of Naughty Dames but after me see so much lady and man willy me can't tek no more.
Jamaican and French have nuff in common. Paris have a river run through it middle; we have Sandy Gully. Dem love live on river side, we love live a gully bank.
In Jamaica riverbank wash way like money bank, in Paris dem nuh build house pon bank dem park boat in river. Boat look like canoe with roof, have flowers in de window, tree pon roof and bench fi siddung pon deck like is a yard.
No Jamaican not there because me nuh see no washing hanging overboard or laundry beating on de stone steps at de side a de river. Must be because de water cold and run fast. You'd have to be mad to go in Seine. We should put house canoe in Sandy Gully and build new-style water ghetto.
Me go to de High Full Tower. It High and Full fi true. Me nuh see so much people climb one tall sinting since last time me go Dunn's River Falls.
All round de bottom man a sell post card, plastic bird that flap wings and key ring with likkle version of tower. It coming like Ochie Craft Market, except de man dem don't threaten to kill you if you nuh buy from dem.
Dem African French black man soft is a shame. Dem nah sell nothing like that Mr. Face.
To get to de top a de tower you haffi take two lift. De first go sideways and up at de same time, taking you diagonally up de leg. You see that before? Me neither.
Second one go straight up but there is a long line a people waiting because dem don't pack de lift good. Dem have plenty space for more inside but dem need a ductor fi mek people step up.
Me shove nuff into my lift so as to ease up de line but some a dem don't understand and try get off. Me hold dem and shove dem in even though them struggle and protest. De queue shrink by a full hundred.
When a get to de top me feel say it should a name Eyeful Tower because me get one eyeful when me look out. Mr. Face me never go so high without plane yet. You can see as far as de ground in one direction and de sky in de other and all round de whole of Paris.
Me take out me camera and start snap but me nuh look where me going. Me buck me toe, trip and fly through de grill and over de rail at de side.
Don't fret, me catch de grill and hang there but Mr. Face de people dem start holler and bawl. Mussi through dem don't know dat me used to paint de JBC mast up a Coopers Hill. Still me can't take all de commotion so me just climb down de outside. It easier than coconut tree.
But it look like dem don't like people climbing over dem things. One man call John Dam, who look like police, take me and lock me in one place call Bastille. But it nuh make a steel, is just one old prison like GP or Hunts Bay. Me soon get out a dis. Take care Mr. Face, until next time.
Tony Hendriks can be reread at www.JamaicanPaleface.com or e-mailed and roundly chastised via JamaicanPaleface@aol.com 2002.TonyHendriks.
