Dear Pastor,
I am fourteen years old and I have a big problem. One afternoon while I was coming from school I passed by a police station and saw a young policeman. He looked at me in a very funny way.
Another afternoon he asked me for my telephone number and I gave it to him because policemen should not hurt people, but some of them do. I was so surprised when he called me. He told me that he has a girlfriend. I asked him what that has to do with me. He said nothing.
On the Monday I went to school and in the afternoon when I was passing, I stopped at the police station and asked him for some water. He gave it to me. He told me that every time he looks at me, he wants to kiss me. I walked out immediately. When I got home, he called me on the telephone and he asked me to stop by to see him the following day. I did so.
When I went he was playing some reggae music. I started to dance. He told me that I should sit on his lap. I said no. He forced me to sit in his lap and told me to dance in his lap. I danced in his lap and he started to get horny. He started to kiss me, and I told him to stop. He did not stop. He wanted me to respond to him. I got away from him and I did not see him again.
One day I was going to school and he saw me. He told me that if I don't have sex with him, he is going to tell my mother that I am a bad girl. I told him I don't care and I went home.
Please help me with my problem.
L.W., St. Catherine.
Dear L.W.,
This policeman is playing with fire. He knows that he could get himself into serious problems with the law if he has sexual intercourse with you. You are fourteen years old. You cannot consent to have sex with any man and a police officer should not encourage you to become sexually involved with him.
You should not be intimidated by his threats to tell your mother that you are a bad girl. She knows that you are not. He would have to tell your mother why he is saying that you are bad. Should he tell your mother why he is saying that you are bad, you should explain to her what happened between the both of you. Remember, 'when fox cannot get the grape, he calls it sour'.
Pastor.
Rapist baby father fights unfaithful boyfriend
Dear Pastor,
I have read your column often and I have seen where you have given people advice. I have two children for a man. He has never treated me well. We fuss and fight. The elder child is 11 and the other is five. We are together from 1988. He had another woman.
In 1988 the police charged him for rape. He didn't stand up to it. He ran away, so they didn't catch him. He is in Kingston. I used to visit him, because I felt sorry for him. From 1998 to 2000 I didn't go back to visit him. He started visiting me. I was afraid because the law says we should not harbour fugitives. In 2001 he was still visiting me. He asked me how I don't come to do anything for him like washing or cooking. I told him I was not coming back. He didn't feel pleased. He started to say I have another man.
When the accident took place I didn't try to fool around with other men, because I have my two daughters. I am a hardworking person and I am also 33 years old. I didn't try to defend this man. I tried to help myself. Right now I am not getting any help from him for the children. I don't know how I manage. Only God is helping me.
In April of this year I met another man. We used to see each other and he used to tell me that he loves me. He wanted us to be friends. I kept on telling him no, but I always thought about it. I always wonder about my children's father and I say to myself he would be in prison if the police should ever catch him and I would have to move on with my life.
This man who likes me does his own business, but he has a baby mother. From the time we have been talking he has never given me any money, but a couple of times he bought drink and ice-cream. He is mean. He would prefer to borrow my money and when he does he does not give it back to me. I wash his clothes. I have to pay rent and light. He has never asked me how I managed to pay these things.
When we started going together I thought he would help me, but he is not that type. We are living together. One night my children's father came to visit me and he attacked the man and they were fighting and the man got a cut on his neck. He had to run out of the yard. My baby father came back and was asking for a cutlass. He told the children to tell him where the man lives. He said he was going to kill me.
I went to the police and when they came he hid himself. As soon as the police left he came back. I had to take cover in a neighbour's yard. He is always calling me on the telephone and threatening me.
This present guy is loving, but not kind. Although he has a car he has never offered to take me to and from work. I don't know what to do. He told me that he still loves his baby mother. I am not comfortable with him. He does not give me money to buy food. He comes home with his two long hands and I have to prepare something for him to eat. Not even Sunday dinner he gives me money to prepare.
I have just found out that this man I am sleeping with got another girl pregnant. I feel like a fish out of water. I always see them talking and I always ask him if they are friends and he always tell me that nothing is going on between them. I told him that it cannot work, so while I am writing this letter he took out some of his clothes. He is using me.
Please give me your advice.
A.P.,
Manchester.
Dear A.P.
You should not make this man sleep one more night at your house. You are so very unfortunate. It is alleged that your children's father raped a woman and is on the run. And now you have a mean man in your house. You should throw him out. Before he got the last girl pregnant, he told you that he was still in love with his baby mother. So now he has two baby mothers and a woman who is feeding him and keeping him strong so that he may continue to sow his wild oats.
He has no love for you. I know that for sure. He does not even provide for himself or for you. He is using you. Get rid of him. He is not a good man. Good men do not go home empty-handed during the week and especially on weekends. They know that they should take money to their women and whatever they are able to purchase on the road. Run this man before he brings you to poverty. You have given him your all, but he has not given you anything. He is a waste of time.
Pastor
Steve in St. Thomas seeks father
Dear Pastor,
I am hoping that you can help me to locate my Dad. I do not know him. I am 23 years old. I am living in Morant Bay, St. Thomas, and I am presently working with Guardsman Limited.
I only know my father's surname, which is Harry. He used to teach at Seaforth High School in St. Thomas, then later on in St. Mary at St. Mary's High School. My mother's name is Norma Wilson, otherwise called Marva. My mother and father met in York District, Seaforth, St. Thomas.
I am hoping for a miracle.
Steve,
St. Thomas.
Dear Steve,
I wonder whether or not your father knows about you. As a school teacher, he should have tried to find your mother if he knew that he had fathered a child. Whatever might have happened, you have very little information to go by. I do trust that he will see your letter and respond or that someone who knows his whereabouts will respond.
Pastor.
