Making marriages prosper

By Denise Treasure, Staff Writer

YOU MET, you clicked and after two years of dating he popped the question and of course you answered yes. Some say this will be the beginning of something wonderful when two people become one, others suggest this is the entrée to a stressful life.

Planning the wedding, is the first test of how well the both of you will be able to survive the beautiful institution of marriage. Then of course, after the honeymoon, the realities of having a full-time relationship to maintain, taking care of yourself and someone else. Do not forget the bills: mortgage, car loans, student loans, and entertainment to name a few; have to be taken into consideration.

"Oh my God, what am I getting myself into you stop suddenly and ask yourself." Do not be scared by the prospect of all these responsibilities, which come after the wedding day. The good thing about it is you will always have him/her around to share all of life's 'ups and downs' with. You must decide that you are going to make your marriage work, despite, the drag of everyday stresses. You and your partner should decide from the outset, "we are in this for the long haul, we are going to make our marriage, our relationship work." When both of you decide, commit to and act upon this statement you should have a long and lasting relationship.

The wedding day, with its entire fanfare and celebration is the symbolic beginning of the marriage agreement. After the wedding couples need to cultivate their relationship and work on their marriage as hard as they work at their careers. The Gleaner spoke with a few couples who have been married over five year and more, to find out the secrets of a good marriage, and most of them agreed that the four most important ingredients of a successful marriage are: Communication, trust, respect and love.

COMMUNICATION

This is the most important ingredient. Couples should share common interest, and enjoy each other company. They should ensure that they not only talk about family issues, job related issues and bills, but they should find out about each other fantasies, dreams, aspirations and likes and dislikes. Simple questions such as, "How was your day," "Tell me about your ultimate fantasy," "Are you having a good day", and "Tell me about your ideal gift" are triggers to open the communication line. Discuss what affect finances and family openly. If there are disagreements remember the golden rule is, "never to go to bed angry". Make up before the sunsets on your quarrel. Try to be each other best friend, this will make the communication process easier.

TRUST

Trust your partner to be honest with you. Try to believe what he/she says. If he tells you he is going out with the boys, have enough faith in him to give him the "benefit of the doubt." Do not keep nagging your partner about "hear-says" and wrong assumptions. Do not be overly jealous and possessive. If the trust has been broken, try working together to build back that component of the relationship. Seek professional counselling if you think this will help. Forgiveness is an important part of marriage also, remember you are both imperfect beings, if one as make a mistake, which can be forgiven, then you should work on it and move on. Do not do anything to break the bond of trust you have with your partner, once broken it hard to regain that the level of trust.

RESPECT

Respect begets respect. If you respect yourself, you will not do anything to disrespect your partner. Be mindful of your partners feelings, and values. If you have a disagreement do not "badmouth" the person to or before others. Treat your partner how you would like to be treated.

LOVE

Your love for your partner should grow in intensity, every day, as you find out about the more interesting aspects of your partners' personality. Love is a process it evolves over time. It involves more than a feeling it's a mixture of passion, commitment, respect, caring, sharing and tolerance. Love your partner unconditionally. A big part of love is accepting the other person has they are, and not trying to change the person in the prefect person you envisioned for yourself. Bad habits can be changed, if certain aspects of your partners demeanour can do with a makeover, gently and loving encourage your partner to correct these flaws. Other ingredients of a successful marriage mentioned by different persons include:

A lot of compromising,

Forgiveness

Tolerance

Consideration

Discretion

Each partner should have an input in the decision making process

Good sex

Remember compliments and surprises and gifts

Spend private time with your partner; learn more about each other.

Have a spiritual foundation As happily married Sherdon Forbes, said, "build your marriage on the foundation of God. Ask him for direction and guidance. With this spiritual ingredient comes a good moral foundation. Marriage is a covenant agreement between you and God and you and your partner. Put God first and everything else will fall into place.

In addition to the spiritual aspect, there has to be trust, honesty and effective communication, between both partners, he added.

Back to Flair