Doubting Thomases

Dear Pastor,

For the past two and a half years I have been dating a man I met at the supermarket. Both of us are working at the same place. He holds a very responsible position. When we met each other it was love at first sight. I was in a relationship with another man, and he was having a relationship with another woman. Both of us decided to end the relationship we had before.

When we started to go together, he gave me everything I needed. I did not pressure him. He always doubted me. And he always tells me that I have other men with him. I did not do that because I loved him too much. He used to take me to his house sometimes, but other times he would not do it at all. Sometimes I would call his house and his ex-girlfriend would answer, and tell me that the both of them are still going together. I asked him about it and he said she was only there to pick up her things. I loved him so much and I believed him and forgave him. But I was angry.

He said he wanted kids and that he wanted to marry me. We had an argument and it caused our separation. He was the only person I could share everything with, and he was the only man who could make me happy.

Please tell me if you believe he was serious about me. Was he serious about me or was he using me and he got tired of me? Should I do everything in my power to get him back? I know I could never love another man the way I loved him because I felt complete in him in every way. I am unable to eat, sleep or work because we have a lot of memories together. And they keep coming back to me. I have now come to realise that there is no other man like him.

I cannot seem to move on. I want him back. I would love to start over with him and never let it end. Now I am just a confused lover.

M.G., St. Elizabeth

Dear M.G.,

You did not mentioned what was the nature of the argument that caused the separation. It must have been terrible. This man never trusted you. He had his doubted about you, and you had your doubts about him. You suspected that another woman was visiting him, and that is why he did not always want you to go to his house.

You said that you have called the house and his ex-girlfriend was there. She couldn't be his ex-girlfriend if they were having an intimate relationship, so he was lying. I do not doubt for one minute that you love this man. He seems to be a caring man. And if he is indeed continuing the relationship with the girl who is always at his house, you should understand why she too is trying to keep him as her man. No woman wants to give up a good man unless she is forced to do so.

I do not know if this man was using you. I know for sure that he did not trust you. You may get hurt if you continue to push yourself on him. It may take a long time for you to get over him. If he loves you as much as you love him, he would call you and even try to date you again. I wouldn't however suggest that you do the calling because you know the other girl is seeing him. If he calls and is willing to invite you out, you should ask him about the other girl and plead with him to speak the truth.

Pastor

Great balls of fire!

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you in the mighty name of Jesus. I am 18 years old and attending college. I am having a problem, and I am seeking your advice. I have a boyfriend who is a popular football player. About two weeks ago he told me that he had a confession to make to me. I was very anxious to hear what was the confession. He told me that he had sex with a girl at his school, but the girl was the one who pushed herself on him. He also said that this girl did oral sex with him.

I was so shocked, I could not speak for a while. After I got over the shock, I asked him what was the girl's name and he told me. Right now I do not know whether or not I should continue the relationship with this guy.

Now, tell me Pastor why do these young girls who are attending school have to engage in oral sex? I want this girl's name to be published in the paper. I am not sure if my boyfriend did not perform oral sex on her too.

I await your advice.

Disappointed Girlfriend, Manchester

Dear Disappointed Girlfriend,

We cannot publish the name of the girl you have given to us. It would be your delight to see her name published in the paper, but I must state frankly that your boyfriend might have told you what took place with the girl and himself, not because he is sorry about it, but because he wants you to begin to do the same with him. He might have called it a confession, but if he did not want you to know he would not have said it. And this talk that the girl pushed herself on him is nonsensical, nonsense. If he did not want to engage in the sexual act with her, he would have walked away. So do not believe the nonsense he is talking about.

I am not here to embarrass him, neither am I going to embarrass the girl. You would observe that I have deleted the name of your school and the name of the school your boyfriend and the young lady attend. I hope you do not spread this thing around to your friends.

Boys often try to see how many girls they can sexually exploit. Your boyfriend is not a saint, neither are you. Some boys set high standards for themselves. Others do not care about morality. Some girls set high standards for themselves. Others feel that they ought to play the field like some boys. Make sure that you do not allow any man to drag you into the gutter, and go around and tell others, like your boyfriend has done to this girl, what he has been able to get you to do. Believe me, all this fellow is doing is bragging about his exploits.

Pastor

Shut out and left in the dark

Dear Pastor,

I am having a disturbing problem. I met a man in 1999, and we started a relationship. Both of us fell in love. The problem is that he is married and he lives in the United States of America and he has children. Whenever we see each other, we do not have enough time to spend together. I cannot call him on the telephone. Neither can I write him. And it is only occasionally we see each other.

We have sex and I am worried because if I become pregnant, I do not know what I would do. I do not want my life to be messed up. I would like to see him night and day. I can get another man, but this man is one of a kind. I have what it takes to get another guy. If he does not want me, he should tell me. I do not want to sit everyday dreaming about him.

Please give me your advice.

S.T., St. Catherine

Dear S.T.,

This man is not going to leave his wife and come to you, and that is what you want him to do. Please understand that although he is having an affair with you, that does not mean that he is going to throw out his wife and take you into his house.

You say that you have what it takes to get another man. Perhaps readers may understand what you mean. Go and find a single man if you have what it takes.

By the way, if you are carelessly having unprotected sex with this man, and you end up pregnant, don't cry or blame anybody else. You are old enough to say no to any man who wants to have sex with you without using a condom.

Walk carefully. Use common sense. Think of yourself and your future.

Pastor

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