He is a Thinker, she is a Feeler: Can they still find happiness together?

By Leahcim Semaj, PhD - Change Agent, Contributor

THINKING AND Feeling represent the two different ways that people use to come to conclusions. As with Introverts and Extraverts, the evidence indicates that we all have an inborn difference.

This, however, is represented by a continuum. No one is exclusively one or the other. A common problem that we encounter is that these terms have a somewhat different meaning in the area of Personality Type than in casual conversation. It is not true that Thinkers have no Feelings and vice versa. Both Thinking and Feeling are rational processes by which we make decisions.

When faced with a decision, Thinkers tend to step back and take a more impersonal and detached approach. Feelers, on the other hand, tend to focus on their personal values, how they feel about the issue and how others may feel about the issue.

THINKERS

Make decisions based primarily on objective and impersonal criteria ­ what makes the most sense and what is logical. They tend to be cool, analytical, and are convinced by logical reasoning.

Value logic, fairness and justice

Naturally see flaws

May seem heartless and
insensitive

Desire achievement

Truth more important than tact

Are cool & reserved

Are objective

Are honest & direct

Are naturally critical

Are motivated by achievement

THINKERS COMMUNICATING:

Prefer to be brief and concise

Want the pros and cons of each alternative to be listed

Can be intellectually critical and objective

Convinced by cool, impersonal reasoning

Present goals and objectives first

Consider emotions and feelings as data to weigh

In meetings, seek involvement with tasks

FEELERS

Make decisions based primarily on their personal values and how they feel about the choices. They tend to be sensitive, empathetic, and are compelled by extenuating circumstances and a constant search for harmony.

Value empathy and harmony

Naturally like to please others

May seem illogical and weak

Desire to be appreciated

Tact and truth important

Are warm and friendly

Get their feelings hurt easily

Are sensitive & diplomatic

Try hard to please others

Are motivated by being
appreciated

FEELERS COMMUNICATING:

Prefer to be sociable and
friendly

Want to know why an alternative is valuable and how it affects people

Can be interpersonally appreciative

Convinced by personal information, enthusiastically delivered

Present points of agreement first

Consider logic and objectivity as data to value

In meetings, seek involvement with people

IT'S THINKING AND FEELING, NOT MARS AND VENUS

Thinking and Feeling is the only type dimension on which we find significant gender differences with males being 65 per cent Thinkers and females 65 per cent Feelers. This variable appears to contain the main issues that we associate as gender differences.

In addition, we still socialise our children differently with respect to this dimension. Girls are more encouraged to be Feelers by how we dress them and how we expect them to behave. Boys are expected to be Thinkers ­ to be assertive, competitive and not show emotions. The career choices are generally expected to be associated with these choices.

The bigger problem surfaces when males realise that they really are Feelers and females that they are Thinkers. The Thinking female has greater acceptance and has utilised this trait both at school and work. The Feeling male has fewer degrees of freedom with respect to life choices in Jamaica today. Boys who appear to be too sensitive and gentle run the risk of being labelled "Chi-Chi men".

Let's look at the advice given by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger in their book Just Your Type.

WHEN BOTH OF YOU ARE THINKERS

The Good side:

You tend to be direct and honest Are consistent and logical

Rarely compromise your principles

The Challenging side:

May be critical, blunt or
insensitive

May not understand emotional causes of conflicts

May not risk sharing emotionally

WHEN BOTH OF YOU ARE FEELERS

The Good side:

Are eager to understand each other

Are warm, compassionate and expressive

Are eager to connect emotionally

The Challenging side:

Take everything personally

Are sensitive to criticism

Tend to avoid conflict

WE WANT YOU PUT YOU IN CHARGE OF YOU Just log on to www.jobbank-ja.com , you can leave your comments in the JobBank web forum for Personality Profile. You can also assess your profile by clicking on the Personality Profile/Flair/ Nationwide banner and follow the instructions to make use of the June special offer of "2 for the price of 1". You are also invited to join us on Mondays on Nationwide (HOT102FM) 7:00 to 8:00 p.m. to continue this discussion. Each week we will take you deeper into understanding your personality profile and how to use this knowledge to take charge of your personal and professional life.

Back to Flair