"Hello. Sorry to interrupt your call, but the Jamaican Secret Service are tapping Tony's phone right now. Cho, cho ah cyaan tek dis system yuh know, Hurry up no man. Leave a mechis (message) for Tony and we will listen to it."
THE VOICE is that of a grumpy old man or woman, done by Tony Hendricks, who sounds scared of the Jamaica Secret Service.
Messages like these can be heard on the voicemail/answering machines of a number of celebrities. Some range from silly to very silly.
Red Rat changes his messages quite often. The 'big kid' greeting, where he asks callers to leave a "big kid message", is no longer on. The new one is another major production that goes something like:
"Ahright, ahright. Unno expect fi hear 'I'm a big kid now'. Well unno done know I am a big kid now. If you don't get me on this phone call me at _____ Me gone. So? So? So? So? So?...
Richie Stephen's voicemail message is another production that is hilarious, heightened by how much effort he puts into it. Picture the heavy tenor of the singer on a reworked version of Tom Jones' original It's Not Unusual, where he sings the following message:
Intro Well this is Richie Stephens and in the meantime, between time, I'm going to give you a song and it goes like this:
It's not unusual to call me on the phone
It's not unusual to call me, I'm not home
If you call and don't get me right away
It's not unusual, I've got a busy day... ha ha ha.
Some no-answer messages are simple two-liners, as in the case of DJ, Madd Anju:
"Dis is the mad bwoy. Yuh get tru? Me glad bwoy"
For Bounty Killer it is "Yeah yow. You have to leave your name, your number and your message. It's only the voicemail working. I am out. Peace."
Elephant Man's message serves to promote "de chune" as well. On his current recording he deejays his latest song, Jamaica, while the rhythm track plays. In between deejaying "Run up inna me big, fat black Cadillac" he gives instruction on leaving a message.
Former Dancehall Queen, Carlene Smith, seduces callers with her voicemail message. Those who can't get through to her cellular will hear deep breathing, behind a sultry voice saying:
"I can't (aah!) come to the phone (haa!) leave me a message and I will return the call."
Even the "Have a nice day" is meant to induce ecstasy.
Some messages are definite cheer-uppers. For Sandra Bodden, marketing manager at Cable and Wireless Mobile, it is: "Truly sorry to have missed your call. Leave me a message, however, and I will respond. Have a super-wonderful day!"
Others are a little off-the-wall. radio disc jockey, Jerry Davy uses birds to put vibes in his greeting. He told The Gleaner that he put the telephone receiver into the birdcage, recorded their tweeting, then added his voice. His message goes something like: "Tweet, tweet, tweet-tweet-tweet." Several more tweets, then, "Please leave a message..."
W.W.
