Dear Pastor,
I am married and I have two children with my husband. When we met I thought he was free, at least that was what he told me. I did not know that he was seeing another woman. He got me pregnant and we got married.
I loved him, but it was after I was seven months pregnant that I found out that another girl was pregnant for him too. I was so shocked. I told him that after the baby is born, I will give it to him and we can go our separate ways. He begged me and said it was a mistake, so I should forgive him. My parents told me not to leave him.
When the other girl had her baby, he told me that I should take the child. I told him no, I could not do that. He kept visiting his baby mother, but I did not know. Then his baby mother got involved with another man. My husband went there and told the man that he had no right to be there. A fight broke out between them and people had to part them. When I asked my husband about it, he denied it.
His baby mother got pregnant again and when the child was born, she said he is the father. I don't know what to do with this man. I asked him if the child is his and he said the child looks like him, so it must be his. I am crying everyday. I am planning to leave him because he is not showing me any respect. He ran away the other man and he comes home late at nights. He is always at the girl's house. I am feeling depressed. I do not have any feelings for this man when it comes to sex. He does not even bother me again for sex.
Please tell me what to do
Worried Wife, St. Catherine
Dear Worried Wife,
It seems as if your husband does not care about you or his children. He has not decided to give up his baby mother.
You mentioned the type of work he does, but I took it out. I do know that he is playing with his life.
He is fortunate that the man he met at the girl's house is a decent law abiding person and he would rather leave the girl instead of getting himself into trouble over her.
I do not know what is going to happen with this relationship.
I do not want to encourage you to leave, but on the other hand, if you are going to stay, you will have to make up your mind to live in unhappiness for the rest of your life. The question is: does that make sense?
If you have never sought counselling for the both of you, I would suggest that you talk to your husband about the matter and ask him to accompany you to see a family counsellor.
If he is interested in saving his marriage, he would agree to go. If he does not care about the marriage, he is likely to tell you that he does not need counselling.
The truth, is whether you go or stay, is a decision that you alone should make. He may not be physically abusing you, but he is mentally abusing you. He has absolutely no respect and he is not treating you as a wife.
Pastor
Wife changed after she got a job
Dear Pastor,
My wife and I were living happily after we got married. I was the only one working for a while, but after a while she got a job. And when she got a job everything changed.
She stopped cooking everyday and started to go out with friends to parties and sessions. Sometimes when I came home from work she was gone to a dance. My mother spoke to her one day and she told my mother some bad words.
One night I trailed her and found out that she had a man. That night she and the man went out and she never came home until the following day. I packed her things and asked her to leave. She left without making a fuss. She said it was the best thing I had done for her. She went to live with the man.
Pastor, my problem is: I have become a Christian and I want to divorce her and marry again. My church brethren are saying that I cannot remarry. So please give me some advice. My wife and I did not have any children, but I would still like to try to get one. I want to get married, but I do not want to do anything that would displease the Lord. Sometimes I feel very lonely.
L.M., St. Andrew
Dear L.M.,
I regret hearing that you wife and you are separated. However, it is better to be separated and to be at peace with yourself. Evidently, your wife believes that she ought to be living on a faster lane.
Perhaps she thinks that you are behind time and that you are not enjoying life. She could be thinking too that since she is working and earning her own money, she should be allowed to do whatever she wants to do. Too bad that she got involved with another man.
Some women love to go to dances even when they are advanced in age. They dress in the latest styles like their teenage daughters and carry on by the roadside or even in clubs. Your wife seem to be the type that loves to party.
You saw her with the man and you knew exactly what was going on. And now that he has taken her in, no one can call you a liar. It would have been so much better if she had left your house on her own instead of causing you to ask her to leave.
Sir, churches differ on this matter of divorce and remarry. However, I suggest that you divorce this lady if you believe there is no room for reconciliation between the both of you.
And I further suggest that after you have received your divorce, you consider marrying again. You need to be happy.
And at the moment, you are a lonely man and you are probably burning with passion. So hurry up and get your divorce and remarry.
Pastor
16-y-o lies to father in going out with boyfriend
Dear Pastor,
I am 16 years old and I am attending a well-known high school. I have a boyfriend, but all the girls in my school love him. But he chose me to be his girlfriend.
I go to school in a taxi and the driver is trying to get friendly with me. He offers me money, but I don't take it. I told my boyfriend about it and he told me that if the taxi driver tries anything I should tell him. Some of my friends told me I should take the money, but I don't want his money.
My boyfriend is an accountant. We don't have sex. He told me he will wait unit I am 18. We only kiss. We went out twice. He treated me as a queen. I have a very good figure and he introduced me to his friends.
I had to lie to my father when I wanted to go out with him because my father is very strict. I told him that I was going to the library. But I went with my boyfriend to St. Elizabeth. That was the first time.
The second time we went to Port Royal for a drive and he bought me fish.
One of my friends is trying to come between us. My boyfriend told me she offered him sex. He told her that he was not interested in her. He said when she sits down she exposes herself before him. He does not like those type of girls.
Tell these girls, pastor, to conduct themselves like ladies.
O.P., St. Andrew
Dear O.P.,
You should not lie to your parents. It is wrong to tell them that you were going to a particular place and to have them believe that you were there, when you knew that you were not going to be there. Suppose something had happened to you when you went to St. Elizabeth with this man? How could you do that?
That is not being smart. Perhaps you think you are clever, but that is foolish behaviour. Do not do that again. If you think that is fun, it is not. And this fellow is going to always remember that you lied to your parents and if you would lie to your parents, you would lie to him.
You believe that you are in love. This is the first man who has expressed how much he loves you, and you are also carried away with your beauty. You are showing off on your girlfriends. Although they love and admire him, you have the man. They have to stand back and watch.
This guy is doing everything to please you. He is smart, but perhaps he wants you to believe that you are safe with him. So he told you "no sex until you are eighteen". That may change if he believes that he has won your confidence and you are extremely comfortable with him. Any day you let down your guard, he will have sex with you before you realize what has really happened. So be careful how you brag and show off.
Please do not go out with this guy unless you inform your parents. Take care and study hard.
Pastor
