Dear Pastor,
I am a young and confused teenaged girl. Ever since I was growing up I have always said that I do not want any man. It seems as if I was wrong about that. Now I have two boyfriends. The thing is they both love me and I love them. What am I going to do? It is driving me crazy. I can't do my school work again because of them. I cannot think about anything but them.
I can't sleep at nights. I want to go to school. I do no work because I am sleeping in class. I don't go to church anymore. My pastor asked me why and I told him I have to study. I had to lie to my pastor because of them. I just can't take it anymore. I am begging for your fatherly advice.
A.K., St. Mary
Dear A.K.
If the friendship with these two young men is having such a devastating effect on you, you should end the relationship with both of them. Your school work is much more important than your friendship with these two fellows. If you do not do well in school and pass your examinations it is unlikely that you will qualify for a good job. You are young and you have many years ahead of you; therefore, you do not have to become too serious about boys at the moment. I suggest therefore that you tell these young men that they can continue to be your social friends but that is the furthest it can go. Don't allow any of them to make you feel confused.
Pastor.
Needs help to fulfil dream
Dear Pastor,
Greetings in the mighty name of Jesus our soon-coming King. I have a problem. I want to find a good Samaritan to help me. I am a 21-year-old woman and the mother of a little girl. I have always wanted to travel to England. It is my greatest dream, but there is no one to help me. I do not have friends or relatives there.
Once I met a young man who came to Jamaica on vacation and we became friends. He told me he would help me but he didn't. So all I am asking is for someone to give me a helping hand. I am willing to pay my own plane fare. I am not from a wealthy family. I am only trying to help myself and my relatives. If there is anyone out there who would like to help me they can contact you.
N.J., Kingston.
Dear N.J.
I trust that someone would respond to your request. Why not contact the British High Commission for advice on this matter if it is your intention to work in England. It is very expensive to travel to England so you do not want to waste your money. Check it out carefully before you take the trip.
Pastor.
Worried about health and grandson
Dear Pastor,
I am a woman of seventy years and I would like you to pray for me. For many months now I have been having a problem. I am seeing some spots of blood on my underwear. I suffered a stroke some time ago and right now no one knows about my problem. I went to the doctor and told him my problem but he did not even give me any tablets and I do not have any money to go back to him.
My husband is two years older than I but he is not well. We have two children but we are not getting any help from them. I am really worried about this blood problem I am having and because of it I do not go to church anymore. I haven't told my husband about it because he gets worried easily. I get worried, too, but I have an anchor that keeps my soul.
I have a grandson who is giving me a hard time. He is on drugs. Whenever I try to talk to him he tells me all kinds of bad words. He doesn't have any manners. Please pray that God will help me to overcome all my burdens.
I.N.,
St. Thomas
Dear I.N.,
I suggest that you go to the clinic nearest to you. I understand that you are financially embarrassed; therefore, you may find it much cheaper to talk to a doctor at a clinic. On the other hand, you may be surprised to know that there are some doctors who would be quite willing to attend to you at a reduced cost as a senior citizen. Many doctors are very helpful and they know that there are many struggling senior citizens who are not able to pay them their full fees. I urge you therefore, to get to a doctor as early as possible. Don't stay home and say that you can't afford to see one.
Your grandson is heading in the wrong direction. He has to learn to listen to advice. He may end up in prison if he continues to use drugs. Forgive him because he is behaving as if he is not in his right mind. When people are under the influence of drugs they sometimes do things that they would not normally do. I doubt very much he would have cursed you if he were not under the control of some strange substance.
Pastor.
Learn a skill to help yourself and your children pastor
Dear Pastor,
Greetings to you. I am writing this letter with tears in my eyes. I am married but my husband left me with two children and went to America. From the day he left Jamaica I haven't heard a word from him. I couldn't pay my rent so I had to move. I went to stay with one of his friend's who had just lost his wife, and knowing my condition, he took me in. He and I became friends and after three months he got me pregnant. He asked me to abort the pregnancy because he was afraid that my husband would return and see me pregnant and it would be a big disgrace. He told me that people would say he and I were friends long ago because his wife just died and I was already pregnant for him.
One day he told me that people told him that they saw my husband in New York and he told them that he doesn't want me because I am living with a man who claimed to be his friend. Now I am in trouble because he wants me to leave his house. I do everything for him and he is nice to my children and they love him but he doesn't love me anymore. He doesn't quarrel but sometimes he doesn't say anything to me for days.
A young lady from St. Elizabeth came here one weekend and spent it with him and while she was there I cried for the entire time. I asked him what he told the girl about me and he said he told her I am his friend's wife. That made me cry even more. He said to me, "Why are you crying? That is the truth." He gives me two thousand dollars every week. He told me that it is helpers' wages but whenever he wants to have sex he comes into my room. I always have sex with him because I love him. Please tell me what to do.
M.
St. Andrew
Dear M.,
I suggest that you file for a divorce. Your husband has abandoned you. He has never sent anything for you or the children. Surely, he cannot say that he is interested in the marriage. I could understand how you got involved with his friend who took you into his house. He doesn't seem to see you as the woman he can marry. He has shown you that by bringing another woman into his house to spend the weekend with him.
I am sure you are grateful to him for the assistance he has given not only to you but also to your children. Perhaps what you ought to do is to try and learn a skill or go to evening classes. You need to be in a position to support yourself and your children. This man wants you to leave. Perhaps he wants to bring in another woman. You may have to seek employment rather than to rely on him.
It is very difficult to give you a direct answer considering your situation. This is where relatives can come in. Do you have relatives who can assist you with the children? Why not discuss the situation with them.
Before I go, I ought to say, that if you and this man are continuing to have sex you should protect yourself. He got you pregnant once and you terminated the pregnancy. That may linger on your conscience for a long time, and if you are not careful he may get you pregnant again.
Pastor.
