Dear Pastor,
I was very young when I started to go out with a young man. We were about the same age. We both came to England and continued our friendship. Two years ago I got pregnant. Although we were not ready for a child, we had to face up to our responsibility.
One day in July 1999, I woke up with a sharp pain in my tummy. I was scared and I was carrying my first child. So I got ready and went to the hospital. When the nurse was checking my blood pressure I told her about the pain and she told me to inform the doctor. I told him and he said I should not worry. Later in the day I went to my mother-in-law's house. I told her about the pain. She made me something to eat. About eight o'clock that night she took me to my mother's house which is nearer to the hospital.
An hour later my mother took me to the hospital because I continued to experience pains. The midwife told my mother to take me home and give me a warm bath and two pain killers because I was not going to have the baby until twelve hours time. When I heard that I thought I was going to die. My mother took me home, but two hours later the pain became severe. She telephoned the hospital but there was no midwife to help me. When they finally came, it was too late to take me to the hospital.
I gave birth to the baby on my mother's floor. After I had the baby she took us to the hospital in an ambulance, and I spent five days in the hospital. I was all torn up and had to be taken to the operating theatre. Now after one year I am not happy. I am feeling a strain in my vagina. And because I was torn, whenever I am having sex with my husband I hear loud sounds of wind coming from my vagina which is embarrassing.
My husband is still there for me because he knows that it was not like that before I had my child. What should I do about this midwife?
D.M., London
Dear D.M.,
I suggest that you seek the advice of an attorney-at-law. It would seem to me that someone should be sued, but I am not prepared to say whether it should be the midwife or the hospital. A lawyer would definitely tell you whether or not you have a good case.
Concerning the tear which you suspect is contributing to the embarrassing noise during sexual intercourse, perhaps you should see a gynaecologist who may in turn advice whether or not you should have surgery.
I am glad you have an understanding husband. Take care of the baby. I would be happy to hear whether the lawyer feels you have a good case, so please write again.
Pastor
Babyfather drives me crazy
Dear Pastor,
I am a young girl and four years ago I met a guy at my workplace. We became interested in each other and started to go out. We also visited each other's church. We started to have sex. It was not long after that I found out that I was pregnant.
When I told him, he told me he was not prepared to marry me and I should have an abortion. He also told me that he did not want to have anything to do with me. I became very depressed because I thought he loved me. I was ashamed of myself. He did not give me anything to prepare for the baby. He had other girlfriends and he did not treat me well.
After I had the baby, things became normal between us again and he got me pregnant again. When I told him I was pregnant he told me that I should get rid of it. I thought of it and decided to have the abortion.
I know that I committed a terrible sin but I was convinced that this man was not going to marry me and I would be left alone with two children. I have been very miserable since having the abortion. We are no longer intimate friends, although we see each other every day. He has called me all sorts of terrible names in the presence of people. I am left alone to take care of my child. I still go to church and my pastor is of great encouragement to me.
Do you think God will forgive me for my terrible sin? The people in my church are really very good to me. I really want to continue serving my God. I can't stand the sight of my child's father. Whenever I see him I feel like I am going crazy. Please give me your fatherly advice.
Initial and Parish Withheld
Dear ....,
I am glad that your pastor and members of the congregation have been standing by you and giving you spiritual and moral support? You have made mistakes but with God's help you will have to put those mistakes behind you. You should not allow them to haunt you. I am not suggesting that it will be easy to overcome what has happened but by God's grace you can. You will never forget that your child's father treated you badly but God can give you the grace not to hate him.
Like the Apostle Paul, you can say "I don't mean to say I am perfect. I haven't learned all I should even yet, but I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ saved me for and wants me to be. No dear brothers, I am still not all I should be but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing. Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is calling us up to heaven because of what Christ Jesus did for us. I hope all of you who are mature Christians will see eye to eye with me on these things", (Philippians 3:12-14 - The Living Bible).
If this young man refuses to support his child you should take him to Court for child support. He should not be allowed to live as though he has not fathered a child.
Pastor.
