Jennifer Keane-Dawes, Contributor
ME DEAR maam, a little thought come to me mine de other day, me seh me haffi put it to yu. Yu believe telephone hatarity coulda fine a way, when people go een a de hawfice fe apply fe a celluluar phone. Das hatarity mek dem line up inna two line.
Line number one: All sensible smady.
Line number two: Poppy show, eediat an all others. An if de eediat dem come een an waan run go hitch up a de sensible line because it shorter. Nuh wild dem. When dem ketch up a de counter gi dem a test one by one. Ask dem why dem really want a cellular.
Poppy show number one: "Because when bus tek long fe come me can gwone talk to me fren dem. Bwoy de bus dem run bad eeh man?"
Hear anneda poppy show right behine him: "Bwoy nuh badda talk." Well, Poppy show number 2 tep up to de counter an de clerk ask de question: "Sar, why yu want a cellular?"
Well, Poppy Show # 2 look pon har good. Wait little fuss before him seh nutten, den gi out: "Yu expect me fe plug out me phone weh me hab a yard an walk widy? Look pon me good koonoomoonoo. Me look like me hab some weh pon me can tek plug? A wonder if a me..."
Same time, Poppy Show number three, weh see de hell an powder house about fe come, run to de rescue: "Awright, nuh badda mek Satan mek yu drap yu trousis een ya tiddeh. Gad haf grace, me nuh know a which part suh much idiat come fram a wuk roun one counter!"
Well my dear lady, whether a yard or a foreign, me notice de same ting. De heap a people wid cellular hitch up a dem aise a chat a galang. An won't move outta people way. An de ting of it is dat every sensible smady know seh cellular is a good ting fe hab. But a nuh de hab weh de smady hab it, a de use weh dem use it.
Like me fren weh car tun ova a foreign. An a it him use call him wife an police. Or if yu deh a yard, inna Stony Hill Road traffic. But a Portmore y'a head fa. De said cellular is a godsend when yu can call smady a yard an tell dem fe gwone put on de peas till yu come.
Yu get me?
But no. As Poppy show number one come outta de telephone company wid it inna him han, a him dat in front a everybaddy two yeye: "Ello? Ello? Wappen man? Yu nuh know a who a talk to yu? Tek two guess. No. A nuh Danal. A me man. A me Jabes. Yu still a raise fowl? Bwoy, yu waan si seh a de selilah me deh pon but me wi call yu a next time. Me a go buy a box juice now."
Same time, Juicie, weh did tan up under de tree a notice everything, wipe him forehead wid de same piece a cloth him use pon him box juice. An haul out fe him selilah. Suh while Poppy Show tan up deh a wait. Wid de sun a mad fe kill him. Hear juicie: "Ello? Ello nice lady? A me Juicie. Yu ready fe change me hawda now? Awright, mek it three dozen jelly kucknut, two tin a cheese, an a crate a Kola Champagne. Stay nice same way y'hear?"
Meanwhile, bus come an Poppy Show number two jump inna it. Well, after a while, de bus full till everybaddy bungle up pon dem one anneda like coconut draps. But a poppy show dat. Wid him elbow a dig out smady side fe tek out fe him poppy show selilah: "Ello? Ello? Pooncie? A me Ivan. A de selilah me deh pon suh me seh mek me gi yu a quick call. What yu doin? A inna bus me deh an it a tek de kanah fe go roun Three Mile. Awright. A next time."
An missis, when yu believe de poppy show dun deh suh, is anneda one dat inna fe him car. Mout a fly like rat trap. An nuh realise all now seh him nayly lick off a bike man. An a police, wid fe him face fava like tief dis tell him bout him Muma an get weh. A run him dung from way up de road. Cho man!
Tek care!
Dr. Jennifer Keane-Dawes is a communications professor and a talk show host in the University of North Carolina system.
