"Sixteen men on a dead man's chest. Yo, ho ho and a bottle of rum!" You might well recall that ditty from Robert Louis Stevenson's classic, Treasure Island. It is an epic about a naïve young man who finds a map and links up with Squire Trelawney to find treasure on an island in the Caribbean.

Poor Trelawney is tricked into hiring Long John Silver, a pirate of the worst order and clan, causing nightmares. Trelawney must have been an idiot himself because Silver had only one eye and a wooden leg. That certainly would have made him less than qualified for the rigorous job ahead. After all, finding treasure requires two eyes: one to seek it out and another to keep vigil on one's cronies.

Indeed, only a blind man could think that Cyclops could be king in his country. Furthermore, given the fact that there are very voracious wood- and brain-eating termites on this famous Caribbean island, the wooden leg had to be made from a 'board' that can weather storms. More puzzling it is, because the decks of those ships were uneven and it would be very easy for a visually impaired man, with a peg-leg, to stumble over these poor-quality boards.

Treasure Island must have been near Jamaica, where the base of the Caribbean pirates was located. After all, Henry Morgan, the well-known pirate, was Port Royal's (and Eastern Kingston's) first area don, and was later enlisted by the legitimate British government to be lieutenant governor of this island in the sun. Indeed, it was just this week in 1670 that Morgan sacked the Santa Catalina near Nicaragua, having sailed from Bluefields, in Westmoreland, close to where Sandals White House is located. What irony! The Spanish scoundrels were routed by the British, who then inserted pirates to guard our treasury and democracy. By the way, the Dutch, who produced Trafigura Beheer, the company that almost pirated our democracy for $30 million, had a famous 'privateer', Piet Hein, who was facilitated, honoured and rewarded just as Morgan was.

Motley crew

Interestingly, pirates used to hang their 'criminals' in bloodlust to distract from their own debauchery and corruption.

With the exception of a few, such as Major Stede Bonnet, who was hanged this week in 1718, pirates were, on the whole, an uneducated and unwashed motley crew, and dirtier than uninspected Jamaican 'chichi' buses. Many could not read and some could not count. Therefore, they would miss the subtleties of computation, the significance of digits and how decimals can decimate a company's solvency and its principal's credibility.

In mathematics, the zero on the left counts for nothing but on the right it makes a hell of a difference. Sometimes we erroneously call the nought an 'O', but if an inaccurate statement is made or a lie is discovered, a missing zero when revealed, will spark the response "Oh! Oh!" Such is the dilemma, as the tenacious contractor general (CG), Greg Christie (GC), who, in pursuing the truth, is refusing to let sleeping dogs 'lie'. After receiving a long report from the silver-haired minister of transport regarding the shameful occurrences at the Jamaica Urban Transit Company (JUTC), he has now re-opened his investigations, and, in a manner of speaking, is exhuming what smells like corruption. It was not the expected forthright statement that was supposed to be forthcoming from the minister - we still await that.

Worst type of amnesia

Nonetheless, it showed that the resigned president suffered from one of the worst types of amnesia: forgetting himself. It could also be that he imbibed large quantities of the high-quality rum that bears his family name. But, whether it is rum cream or otherwise, it always rises to the top. Ten meetings were held but President Bindley Sangster said that there was only one.

True, it is understood that his uncle stood while Trinidadian Premier Eric Williams declared "one from 10 leaves nought," as Jamaica left the West Indian Federation 46 years ago. But Bindley blindly bungled, bringing big bangarang 'bout Busha's "blinking blanco buses." Only a poor math student could mistake 10 for one. Perhaps, he was adjusting for the exchange rate between the Jamaican and Trinidad currencies. Maybe, not denying the nine, he simply did not think that the others qualified as meetings.

Doggedly, the CGGC is contemplating a charge of perjury. Well jury, judge or otherwise, the JUTC needs a purge. And given the nervousness that he is causing, I would not be surprised if it is happening now as the guilty become suddenly incontinent. Only then will they speak the truth loudly, because empty bowels make the most noise.

Perhaps the "Oh! Oh!" and "Yo ho!" are actually representations of Santa Claus, who seems to know everything and goes everywhere, but is never seen, because he hides his 300-pound frame better than the late chairman concealed his questionable contracts - a $1.6 million deal to his company run by his 'friend' for 'public' relations. Bet you if he had been asked to explain, he would have said, "Get the 'L' out!" Add on a meal deal for $500,000 at his own restaurant and it is not a bus company, but rather, a 'gravy train'.

Alas! Long John Silver, Morgan and Blackbeard are all gone, but their blood courses through our veins and pirates still walk among us. The roots are deep, but now, only Santa wears a beard.

Still, if the director of public prosecutions takes the lead and prosecutes, we could likely have judgement long before the Cuban light-bulb trial is concluded. But this is Jamaica and strange things happen. Christmas is coming. Bet his lawyers will surely be seeking a way out via a 'Sangsta clause'.

Dr Orville Taylor is senior lecturer in the Department of Sociology, Psychology and Social Work at UWI, Mona. Comments may be sent to orville.taylor@uwimona.edu.jm or columns@gleanerjm.com.