Oxy Moron, Contributor

Stop the count! Resume the debate! For must man be hanged alone? Shouldn't he be joined by his best friends, who have earned themselves the unflattering moniker of murderer? Because, the front-page lead headline on a local tabloid, two Thursdays ago, howled 'Dogs murder alleged thief'!

The tabloid has rewritten the law of murder to include death caused by vicious and merciless mauling by cold-blooded and uncaring dogs.

We can hear the prosecutors earnestly arguing that the dogs be found guilty of premeditated murder, since the dogs had been planning to rip apart anybody they should find in their owner's yard, and that they had enough time to consult one another as it relates to saving the poor, defenceless man's life. That since it was only soursop the man was stealing, they could have given him only a few nips on his backside just to warn him off.

In the dogs' defence, animal-rights activists are pleading with the jury to save the dogs' lives because they were only protecting their owner's property, and that they would have failed their owner had they not done something drastic to send a clear message to thieves who go around trespassing on people's property. That the dogs had no malice whatsoever towards the trespasser and, as such, it was simply a waste of the court's time to be trying the innocent dogs.

The prosecutors have established the actus reus (guilty act), since clearly, the man is dead, but they are in a bind. How do they establish the mens rea (guilty mind), since the dogs cannot talk? They have sent for the 'dog whisperer' to get into the dogs' criminal minds, into the deep recesses of their brains to prove intent.

And since nobody saw, who are the witnesses? That's where the forensic experts come in. They have taken saliva samples from the dogs to isolate their DNA (Dog's Nasty Acid) to match with that found in the man's wound. They have also measured the width and length of the dogs' teeth to match them with the sizes of the wounds found on the mangled body to determine which one gave the fatal bite(s), and which ones were mere accessories.

And no doubt, the dogs cannot take the witness box in their defence. They will only bare their discoloured teeth and growl at the judge's wig, made of hair taken from the rear end of Himalayan yaks. What a legal and canine mess!

But, whatever the outcome, justice must not only be served, it must appear to be served, for every dog must have his day, just as how every puss has his 10 o'clock.

oxydmoron@gmail.com