Q Doc, my wife and I are now in our 40s. I suppose I am still a pretty virile guy - and she is a real sexy lady. We usually make love around two-three times for the week. She discharges very easily, and more frequently than any woman I have ever known.
But we do have a little problem, and it's this. In the last few years, our sex life has become real monotonous. Both of us feel that it is 'always the same thing'. Each time, it is like an exact copy of the time before!
I fear that she is finding my 'performance' a little dull; and boring. And that makes me fret about whether she might decide to have sex with somebody else.
In particular, she has a close woman friend who is real attractive. They are always laughing and joking together, and they often hug each other. Sometimes I feel that when she becomes excessively bored with my sexual 'efforts', she might try lesbianism with this other lady.
I know you have said in your column that middle-aged couples should try and 'spice up' their love lives. I would like to do this.
But I am asking you HOW, doc? How?
What must I do to keep my woman?
AWell, let me start by saying that your theory about lesbianism seems to me to be an unlikely one. Many women have good female friends with whom they laugh a lot and have innocent physical contact, such as hugging each other.
But you are right in wanting to 'spice up' your marriage. That is a good idea for any couple who have been together a long time. So here are some tried-and-tested remedies for sexual boredom in marriage:
Instead of always having sex in the bedroom, try having sex in other rooms sometimes. Surveys have shown that favourite spots for generating excitement include the bathroom (especially in the shower) and the kitchen.
Obviously, you need to take care that no one else is likely to come home!
Vary the time at which you make love. Do you always do it in the evening, after your meal? Then for a change try having sex in the morning - before you get up.
Try various positions. Do you always have sex with your wife lying on her back, and you on top and facing her? Then try more exotic postures, like making love from behind her, or making love from the side. There are many books and websites which list dozens and dozens of different positions.
Try a little 'role play'. This is a sexual game in which you both pretend to be somebody else. For instance, your wife could adopt the role of a high-class call girl, while you could pretend to be a rich and famous film star.
During sex, talk to each other about your favourite fantasies.
Similarly, you might like to read something pleasantly erotic to each other during 'love play'.
If you both feel happy about doing so, watch an erotic video or DVD while in bed; admittedly, watching such films is NOT acceptable to everyone.
Get yourself some sex toys. If you search online, you will find that these days there are hundreds of different 'sex aids', in particular, vibrators have proved a big hit with thousands of women across the world.
I wish you well with livening up your marriage. Write to me again if you run out of ideas.
QPlease give me your opinion, doc. Do you think a woman of 42 years will have any chance of conceiving for the first time?
AYes, there is a reasonable chance - especially if your menses are regular. Your email says you have a small fibroid, but that should not stop you conceiving. Good luck.
QI am a guy of 78. A young woman claims that I am the father of her baby. Is this scientifically possible at my age?
AVery definitely! There are guys aged over 80 who have become babyfathers.
If necessary, you could have tests to determine if it really is you who have sired this child.
QGood day to you. I am in my late 20s, and about three weeks ago I had sexual intercourse with my boyfriend. Some time in the middle of the act the condom must have slipped off. He finished by coming on my belly.
He tried to convince me that he did not get any fluid inside me, but I was not so sure.
By the middle of the following week, I started having a dizzy, nauseated, unstable feeling. I went to a doctor, and he did a pregnancy test - which showed a faint positive.
I was very shocked by this, and a few days later I went to another doctor. He told me that he thought I wasn't pregnant at all, and that this had been a 'false positive' result. He did another test, which turned out to be negative.
In order to be certain, I did a third test next morning. This also gave a negative result.
What concerns me is that I am getting cramps, as if my period is about to start. I don't feel nauseous or giddy any more, because I am now taking iron tablets. I am anxiously awaiting your advice.
AYou have had two negative pregnancy tests. So I feel fairly confident that you are NOT pregnant. However, just in case the tests were done too early, I suggest you have another one.
As to your belly cramps, it is quite possible that these are caused from the iron tablets, which can have this side effect. Alternatively, it's possible that the cramps are in fact just an indication that your menses are about to arrive.
From the rest of your long email, it is obvious that you have been under a lot of stress during the last six months. I suspect that some of your feelings of being dizzy and unstable and nauseated may be due to that. Please stick with the doctor whom you last saw, because it seems like his advice is good.
QI am a guy of 30, and although I have had a lot of girlfriends, I have never got anyone pregnant.
Is it possible that I am sterile?
AIt is possible, but we have no real evidence for this. If you consult a doctor, he or she could do a simple 'sperm count' test for you.
QMy mother insists that I should cover my 'mole' in a rainstorm. Is she right?
ANo, the idea that water can get into the 'mole' and causes colds is a myth.
QIs it possible for a woman to have two sets of menses in one month?
AYes, this is quite possible. However, menses should be around 25 to 30 days apart, counting from start to start.
If you are saying that yours are arriving about every two weeks, then that is too often, and you should see a doctor for a check-up. Remember: Frequent periods are BAD - because they cause anaemia.
Please send your questions and comments for our doctor to: editor@gleanerjm.com.
