Kelly

Asafa and Usain, glad I could get to speak to both of you.

Alfalfa, remember the last time we spoke? Well, technically I spoke and you (somewhat) listened. Anyway, I told you that you had nothing to worry about with regards to the 100-metre gold medal at the Olympics. Okay, let's rephrase that statement. You might have something to at least be a little concerned about.

The truth is, Lightning Bolt (by the way, great run, kid) seems to be the real deal people thought he was all along. That means you've got some serious competition in Beijing. But don't worry, old boy, I've still got you as the man to take the gold.

Nuh mek up yuh face, Usain. Let me finish. I am a big fan of both of you, I'm just going with my gut feeling. But, Lightning, I'll admit I feel a little sheepish facing you because even though I didn't say you would NEVER run the 100 metres that fast again, I think I might have believed you wouldn't. You not only went below 9.80 again, you took Alfalfa's record. (Boy, did I look dumb with that prophecy!) But I did make the disclaimer that I wasn't a track expert.

Anyway, I wanted to speak to both of you to make sure we're all on the same page. We're all Jamaicans (no dual thing 'round 'ere, right?), so even though some people are worried there might be a feud, I know that isn't going to happen, don't it? You see, people automatically conclude there's going to be hell and powderhouse when two bull in one pen. The whole alpha-male syndrome! But you guys are different, I can feel it.

I know I don't have to warn you guys against bad mind either! Just doesn't look like it's in your nature. Usain, you are as gifted as Asafa, and vice versa. Furthermore, both of you are doing it for little Jamaica. With all the crime and everything, you guys are showing the world what's right about our piece of Earth.

And remember that duppy named Michael Johnson? When he's not questioning your heart, Asafa, he's questioning our National Stadium technology and whether you, Usain, really ran 9.76. I say just to sock it to him, give us the quinella in the 100 and then the 4x100 relay gold! If that doesn't clam him up, then duct tape is always handy.

Alright, well, guys, thanks for your time. I'm sure you've both got meets to prepare for and all that, plus the national trials. See you around. By the way, can I get your autographs?

Run with it at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com

( L - R ) Asafa and Usain