Paul Messam, Contributor

Not all youths are distressed by unwanted sexually favours, some may find it amusing or even flattering.

Did you ever have a crush on someone? The question was posed to a group of 40 persons, both males and females, with age raging from 20 to 69, within the western, central and eastern sections of Jamaica. The immediate response was a flurry of laughter and memories.

"I was just a teenager, and I had a real crush on a chick seven years older than I," said Jimmy James. "She was beautiful with big hazel eyes! But I kept my feelings secret. Not even my mother could detect that I liked the girl.

"I had a crush on my mathematics teacher," recalls S. Shaw, a reading specialist, now married. Many persons had infatuation, or crushes when they were younger. Cecil Porter, information technology specialist, felt that "Infatuation was just one of those things, just one of those crazy flings, one of those bells that now and then ring."

How frustrating it is to have whipped up romantic feelings and having no one to lavish them on! Interestingly, girls become poised and socially at ease at an earlier age than boys. They even find their male classmates immature and unexciting compared to teachers or older men. Sometimes the room of a young person is decorated wall-to-wall with pictures of a beloved movie star or a famous artiste.

infatuation a common thing

According to the book The Individual, Marriage and the Family, such infatuations tend to be "rather short-lived" some youths persist in their fantasies and insist they feel real love.

Dr. Andrew Daire, psychologist, Department Child, Family and Community Services, University of Florida, says that crushes are part of growing up; almost all young people have them. In fact, most persons manage to survive their infatuations, while their pride and sense of humour remain intact. Years later, some even laugh off the experience.

"If the crush is onsomeone who is already taken, then you are heading for a crushing blow," says Dr. Daire. "That crush will now become a crash crush crash." He explained that it hurts to care for someone you can never have. Additionally, being told that what you feel is nothing more than a childish crush does not make you feel any better. "As far as you are concerned, your feelings are real." According to him, puberty unleashes new and potent feelings and it takes years for most of us to learn how to bring such desires under control.

Can a crush be harmful? Sophia D. Mason, an early childhood specialist at The Queen's School, says that the person who has the crush on someone could be hurt and have his/her feelings crushed if the feeling is not mutual. The Individual, Marriage and the Family also observes that "Because of society's emphasis on the importance of romantic love, the young person's dreams of fulfilment of love, long before he is ready for it or even encounters an appropriate object of romantic love. A singer or a deejay may be idolised because he may be deemed to be smooth, or is deemed cute or handsome, but what of his morals? What about his values and attitude?"

Dr. Daire was of the view that when you allow fantasy to dominate your life it can create havoc. He mentioned that one of the early evidences of a runaway crush is the slackening off of school effort. Isolation from family and friends is a common result of being caught in a crush. Perhaps, there may be some redeeming value in having being loved and lost than not having loved at all. But Oscar Wilde cogently reminds us that "When you really want love, you will find it waiting for you."