Paul Messam, Contributor

Few parents find it easy to talk to young people about topics such as sex, reproduction or birth control, to name a few. However, young people need someone to talk to about their hopes, goals, aspirations, desires and problems. They also need good friends and, as they mature, also a sense of identity and individuality.

Cherina Forbes, counselling psychologist, says adults should try to answer what is being asked by young people - not what they 'think' is being asked. "For example, if your daughter wants to know if birth control pills are dangerous, answer that question. Do not assume that she is asking because she wants to take them."

According to Ms. Forbes, some parents jump to conclusions and do a great disservice to their children in the process. "We must remember that if your child trusts you enough to ask, your responses should reflect that trust," she adds.

Question behind the question

Ms. Forbes further explains that if a parent senses that there is a question behind the question, that parent should go ahead carefully and try to give emotional support. "Do not close the door, there is usually a reason why the real question was not asked directly, and it may be asked later if you indicate your openness."

She further explains that parents or guardians should endeavour to convey to their young ones that they believe in them, and as caregivers they are more concerned with the quality of their (the children's) lives and relationships to others, rather than what they did on last night's date.

She offers some additional pointers:

Young people need to talk, to share, to express themselves. When it comes to expressing their feelings, they can give the appearance of being aloof and secretive. Be assured, they want to talk about serious as well as trivial matters. Be ready to listen with ears and eyes.

Young people need friends. Do not allow the various demands of life to crowd out precious opportunities to talk with your children. As parents or guardians, you can play a pivotal role in shaping your children's values and goals.

Our young people need a sense of identity. The central development task of adolescence, according to Erik Erikson, is the identity formation. From all the separate roles that adolescents play - son, daughter, sibling, boyfriend, girlfriend student - they must construct a unified sense of self. The adolescent must answer the questions "Who am I?" and "Where am I heading?" An important part of growing up is the forming of an identity. This is a set of unique traits that distinguishes one child from all others.

The Holy Bible in the Language of Today, by William Beck, states that "A child shows what he is by what he does."