Daviot Kelly, Staff Reporter

KELLY

Somehow, when Kanye West and Jamie Foxx remodelled Ray Charles' Golddigger song, I knew I'd have the perfect opportunity to use it some day and here it is!

Fact is, with all these bachelors cluttering up this week's pages and who have a few 'Joshies' and dead American presidents in their wallets and monetary figures with a few zeros in their bank accounts, the potential gold-diggers are already sharpening their pickaxes to go digging!

Now my aim in this whole sordid affair, that is the bachelor issue of Flair, is merely to help my 'brothers', including those not in this group of 30, to know an excavator of gold when they see one! First, let me put the disclaimer that not every woman drooling on the centrespread is seeing dollar signs! Some of these guys might actually be considered cute after all, but there are a few of the ladies glued to the paper of whom you need to beware. So here goes!

How to spot them

If she scoffs at the idea of going to Pizza Hut for lunch sometimes, instead of, let's say Mac's Chop House where you usually dine, you might have a gold-digger! The philosophy is that guys go for women who can appreciate the lesser things in life. So, if you're blessed with Mike's billions (how's Canada old boy?) and she feels that on a weekday, lunch automatically means Café Aubergine (the one in St. Ann, that is), then she might be a gold-digger. Seriously, that would require a helicopter or something if you're both in Kingston, right?

If she thinks you should buy a Jaguar instead of the mere 2006 Volvo, you already drive, then she might be a gold-digger!

How about if you're talking to a girl and you realise the last minute of what you've said went unregistered because she's eyeing some fellow cruising past in a Tundra, then you might want to take this as a hint of affection for gold.

If you call and tell her you just 'banged' your car and the first question is, "So does that mean we're not going out tonight?" she just might be a gold-digger! And there are many more examples we could use, but I think you see my point!

You can spot potential gold-diggers from high school. Remember your school barbecues? The guys with Reebok and Nike sneakers and Tommy jeans were more readily recognised. And don't tell me I'm paranoid! I clearly remember a young lady (who I kind of had a thing for), who allegedly had no interest in a sixth-former but was very comfortable in the passenger seat of his car though!

Now you have a few signals to look for, be diligent my brothers. Oh, now as for dealing with a gold-digger when you've found one is another column, another time. I gone!