Keisha Shakespeare-Blackmore, Staff Reporter
BRINGING a new life into the world is a miraculous experience. This experience often changes the relationship between partners. Either it strengthens the bond between both partners or the man will feel as if he is playing second fiddle to the new baby.
Dr. Asquith Reid, clinical psychologist, said that child-bearing for women is a traumatic experience. But most men tend to think giving birth should be borne without complaint because it is a normal thing. He added that many times, a woman has to go through a hard, long and painful labour, thus becoming tired and worn out.
As such, this experience may cause her not to be in her usual mood. She may also develop postpartum depression. He said, however, that some women find the experience to be joyful as this is what they wanted.
Dr. Reid told Flair that although most men understand that child-bearing is traumatic, they still have a sex drive. "Thus, they may want to engage in sex play even if they do not go as far as sexual intercourse." This however, may actually aggravate the woman's condition (postpartum depression).
Dr. Reid noted that because it is normal for the woman to cater to the child's every need, she may forget that her partner needs attention as well. But men should join in the celebration of their new-born instead of being in a competing situation.
To maintain intimacy in the relationship, it's important that as partners you make quality time for each other.
1. Make a weekly date: get a baby-sitter or ask a relative to keep the baby while you go on a date and spend some alone time together.
2. Be creative: You do not have to wait for nightfall to spend quality time together. Steal away for at least two days to grab lunch together. You will be surprised how much an animated conversation can become when you're meeting in the middle of the day and there's no baby or batch of chores to worry about.
3. Send a love letter: You do not have to pen Shakespearean prose to get your honey's heart pumping. You can say, "I love you" with a quick email, note, or voice mail.
4. Create some post-work rituals: Try taking a walk together every evening with your baby. While your baby gets another walk or play time, you two can really connect at day's end.
5. Plan your own rituals: Start a weekly video and take-out dinner night. Once your baby settles into a predictable bedtime watch a video that is an easy way to enjoy a little down time together.
6. Play games: Games are a great way to connect, so dust off the chess set, a deck of cards, the Monopoly board, or whatever else you both enjoy playing.
MEN SPEAK:
Christopher James,33, was 25 years old when he married in 1998.
A year later, his first child was born. "Getting a child so soon did not matter as it was something we wanted." He said the baby did not cut into their time as they found it fun and it was a matter of making the necessary adjustments for her.
However, after his daughter was born, things were not exactly the same as they were before. It was like drinking a great glass of lemonade and when you got another it was good but did not taste as good. Everything was not about being selfish but about teamwork so he worked with it.
John Black,37, got married in 1998. Within a year, his first son was born. He said it was the most joyful time of his life and a new baby did not cut into their intimate time. He said they found ways to work around the baby.
"When the baby was asleep, we stole away for our little together time. We did little things like wash dishes together, watched a movie or cooked together."
