Give yourself a few minutes to calm down and de-stress. Miguel Model, Bianca. - Photo by Carlington WilmotDO YOU break under the slightest provocation, or have you won the title for cool composure?
Contrary to celebrated image of Mr. Cool as the guy who pulls his gun the fastest during confrontations, or Ms. Cool as the madam who has the slickest, quickest and 'wickedest' comebacks for any 'diss', psychologists agree that those who will not crack under stress and who will respond to threats and stress alike with composure, are the true cool.
Men and women who experience anger which is easily triggered may be experiencing lack of self-esteem, says Kingston-based counselling psychologist Dr. Pauline Mullings. They will be trigger happy in their defensive responses to what they perceive as daily attacks and unfair treatment.
Other factors affecting those who easily lose their cool are said by this counsellor to include:
Health problems. The thought of a serious or persisting illness can result in a negative frame of mind.
Hopelessness. When you are feeling that you are doing everything that you can and yet there are no positive results, no improvement, you may develop inner sense of bitterness.
Financial constraints. Those who can't make ends meet, can't do half the things they want to do, working hard and yet they are still living below their personal standards might also become embittered and 'sharp'.
Conflicting values also create stress. If your values conflict with family, friends, loved ones and society this will be another source of friction.
The job environment. Those who are overworked and constantly pressured and in addition are poorly paid may express their discontent by 'attacking' anyone, anywhere and at anytime they 'low' over.
Boredom. If you do not have enough of a challenge on the job this may also lead to problems with emotional control.
Stress is also related to inefficiency. Nothing works around you because improper systems are in place. You get frustrated.
Relationships. Problems in relationships in any form, at home or on the job trigger tempers.
Retirement. If you are retired and you do not have enough to keep you and you look back and see your life as wasted, you may begin to think that you should have and could have and did not. Here again is a source of bitterness.
Losses. Major losses, including jobs and death of a loved one, can also lead to bitterness
Eddie Chandler at www.askmen.com suggests that trigger happy men and women with hot tempers should first of all recognise their 'hot buttons'. For everyone, this may be a different thing, but whatever it is, you certainly know it.
Some men find their blood pressure rising when a customer questions their integrity, criticises their company, product or service, or threatens to lodge an unfounded complaint, Chandler states.
Take a moment also to analyse the true source of your anger. Remember that you cannot control other people's actions. You can only control your own.
Trigger situations
Chandler advises that you should try your best to avoid trigger situations.
Drinking may also contribute to the problem and cause an inappropriate reaction. Try to eliminate the types of problems that may put you at risk of an over-the-top reaction. Reduce your expectations about how other people should behave and try to put yourself in their shoes. If someone cuts you off in traffic or does some other idiotic thing that makes you really angry, let it go.
To avoid a build up of anger, you should also talk with your partner, friend or colleague before the problems or issues push you to the limit. You can also share your frustrations, calmly and rationally with a good buddy.
If all else fails, make a run for it. Give yourself a few minutes to calm down and de-stress. Like the old saying goes: "When angry, count to 10; when very angry, count to 100." Breathe. Laugh. Take a walk. Listen to music. Take a chill pill.
According to Dr. Pauline Mullings, for long-term change, you can also get into relaxation therapy, exercise, listen to music, go to the beach and throw pebbles into water. Take a trip to Castleton or Hope Gardens and enjoy nature.
Keep your cool by hanging around people who are positive, people who can give you good counsel. These are people who will also tell you if the way you are behaving and is unacceptable.
You need to understand that stress will do more harm than good; it will cost you money, cost you your health. See the cause of your anger as a reality and look for alternatives, the counsellor says.
"Something must give. Let it not be your body."
