Claude Mills, Staff ReporterLAST WEEK, I got an E-mail from a young woman who complained that all her boyfriend wanted to do after making love was sleep. And worse, he snored too. Loudly.
Her E-mail continued by saying that his siestas were a real turn-off, especially when she required him to make a repeat performance and all that.
While I profess to be no 'Dear Pastor', and not even anywhere in the same zip code as a Doctor's Advice column, I will attempt to answer her question.
There's a biological reason behind why a man feels compelled to take a nap after making love. Upon orgasm, humans release the hormone oxytocin, which normally makes us sleepy. This is compounded by the fact that we tend to hold our breath when an approaching orgasm starts creeping in, and so we feel exhausted when a full oxygen blast swoops into our blood stream, knocking us out.
Plus, sometimes we really ARE tired. Some women expect us to do all the hard work: the lifting, the hair-pulling, the tugging, the kissing, licking, thrusting... while they just lie there looking good and enjoying themselves. No wonder we men are so pooped.
And if it is an established relationship, the situation is worse. Men get bored easily, and women think what they have to offer can do it all. Think again.
So what can a man do to combat the sleepiness and not make the female think of him as an insensitive slob?
Well, instead of holding your breath, you could try making a conscious effort to inhale and exhale deeply. This will not only enhance your orgasm, it will also help you stay awake, at least for a little while.
If you forget to breathe (now THAT must be some mind-blowing sex), then after a few minutes of rest, get up and take a cool shower or sit up rather than remain lying down.
Do the snuggling thing that women love so much. You can curl up like spoons in bed and fall asleep that way. Now it's time to make sure to pretend that she means the world to you. You needn't make a grandiose gesture after the deed all the time, but because some women are extremely vulnerable after making love, especially if you have been less than gentle.
Or maybe you can go in for the romantic movie stuff.
If you don't own a jacuzzi, fill the bath with steamy water (no heater? then boil some) and bubbles galore (don't be a slob, get your sister or someone to come over to make sure that the tub is clean to start off with). Let her lie in between your legs in the water and enjoy each other. Soap her down, rub her body and massage her temples. There's no denying that she'll love every minute of this experience. Trust me, I've seen where the chicks on the daytime soap operas love this kind of thing. Our women could use some pampering too.
I don't think there's a man in this world who isn't rabid for sex, but rather than turn over on your side for a nap before blurting out: 'hey, wanna do it again?' be subtle. Place your hand on her thigh and rub it gently or play with her hair. You don't have to be sexual; a shower of affection and attention hardly ever goes unnoticed by females.
One of my friends - he thinks he's a true player - is not into the lovey-dovey thing in the post-sex interlude.
"Dem jus come over fi one reason. I want them to just leave as fast as they can. Mi caan pretend wid dem," he confided to me one day.
I tell him all the while that he needs to take a chill pill. Whether or not you're ecstatic about their presence post-sex, they're still there (at least this time), so take the time to acknowledge her existence and treat her with appreciation. It is good PR because women talk. Oh, do they talk!
You can e-mail me at cmillsy@yahoo.com
