- Michael Sloley
This little girl enjoys playing dominos with the residents at Boothe's Home for the Aged.
Daviot Kelly, Staff Reporter
AS A CHILD growing up I was able, after a while, to realise just how fortunate I was to have both my parents living in the home. I would realise just how lucky I was whenever I heard the stories of friends and how they related to their parents. Sad stories, some of them.
The older I got, the more I realised that raising me was not the easiest job in the world and quite frankly it never is for any parent. In fact, raising a child is the most difficult job in the world for an adult. So when the time comes for the child to look after the parent, when Uncle Time comes knocking, there should not be a problem. Right? I mean, after all they gave the better part of twenty years to making sure that you were fed, clothed and received a good education.
However, not that they don't want to but not all children can take care of their elderly parents at home. It is emotionally, psychologically and physically draining. On one hand, they would love for the autumns and winters of their parents' lives to be smooth. However, to do this requires much time, money and effort; three things which they may or may not have at their disposal.
This situation usually occurs when one of the parents dies leaving the other alone and lonely. It cannot be easy to care for an elderly and sometimes indigent parent who needs constant supervision. Even if the parent still have all their faculties', the child may not wish to leave the parent alone. This is especially difficult if you are working a full-time job and raising children of your own. Few persons today have the time to do all this and so have to hire a live-in nurse to stay with their elderly parent.
If this person is a true professional caregiver, they may ask for more than the children can afford. If there is more than one child then the whole question of who gets 'stuck' with the parent might come up. Some may consider it crude that the children may look at it that way but don't chuck blame just yet.
There are others who are more than willing to care for the person who was integral to them being who they are. Audley Tomlinson was raised almost single handedly by his aunt. She was affectionately called 'Ti Ti' by all who knew her. His biological mother was never really there and so it was all about Ti Ti. So when she got old and began finding it harder to care for herself, Mr. Tomlinson was more than willing to take her into his home. "It wasn't that hard to take care of her especially at first," he claims. "It was only after she really couldn't help herself that it got a little more hectic." It was then that her grandchildren decided to put her in a nursing home.
When asked if it was hard to let her go, Mr. Tomlinson said that whatever reservations he had were put at ease when he was informed that his aunt would have constant supervision in the form of a nurse. Furthermore they could visit her anytime they wanted to. "We could talk with her, pray with her and basically just see how she was doing." Mr. Tomlinson and his family were fortunate to find a suitable home for their elderly ward.
But not every home for the aged is ideal for every resident. Hugh Bryan found this out when he put his mother into a nursing home. "The home had a mixture of people. There were those who were still able-bodied and for these residents, day outs and field trips were planned. On the other hand, some of the residents were invalids." His mother who, though she had just lost her sight, was still very active, felt out of place at the home as she never really belonged to either category. This further hurt him because he never wanted her to go in the first place. "I felt like I was abandoning her," a little guilt still evident in his voice. "So I made sure that we (the family) visited her regularly." But no matter how often they did visit her, she was always depressed.
Find another place
Finally, Mr. Bryan and his siblings decided that it would be better to find another place for their mother. He recalls seeing a particular ad on television and developing interest. "We thought that the place looked nice as well as the things they were offering so we sent her there," he said.
Unfortunately things did not work out there either, starting with noise both from the street and from loud music that would be played at night. Furthermore, on visiting her one day, Mr. Bryan was shocked to find a wound over her eye. "When I asked what happened I heard all sorts of contradictory stories and my mother had a different story. I was then led to believe that the fancy advertisement was all hype." Therefore he kept his mother there for only two months. The decision was finally taken to get a live-in nurse to stay with her.
But choosing the appropriate candidate was difficult as his mother would not take just anyone. "My mother was from the old school and she felt that you had better address her with 'Yes Ma'am and No Ma'am'," he laughed. "Also she felt that young people had no respect and so whenever we would bring a prospective candidate to her, the first question would be, 'how old are you?' We had to tell people to add twenty years to their age." He admits though that they never were able to trick her. He states that he was saddened because he had to find her a nursing home.
NURSING HOMES
Sometimes the only choice left for children is to send the parent or the person who raised you, off to a nursing home; a place that has sometimes gotten a bad reputation as a prison for the elderly where the residents are treated badly.
But are nursing homes so bad?
Certainly in the United States there have been disturbing stories of geriatrics dying under mysterious circumstances. In Michigan, San Francisco and California, there have been reports of death caused by dehydration, starvation, bed sores and even overdosing.
Currently in Jamaica, there are 113 nursing homes and the number is increasing. Within these homes are some 1,266 residents. The Ministry of Health records that the price range for accommodation is $15,000 to $43,000 per month. Twenty-eight (28) of these homes are within the Kingston and St. Andrew are. There are also others that are not registered but continue to operate.
The truth
However, are nursing homes a viable option for children who have nowhere to put their parents? The truth is one needs to know exactly what these nursing homes offer. The advertisements may look very promising, but let's face it, you're not buying a pen here. They offer round the clock medical care, food and lodging. Others stipulate no restrictions on visits and others offer structured activities such as day outs.
Clinical psychologist, Dr. Ruth Doorbar, believes that in Jamaica, there is a general belief among children that they should look after their parents and some parents have children in the belief that they are 'old age pension'. Still there are cases where the parent doesn't want to be a burden to or has too much pride to be looked after. As a result, she feels that it is actually beneficial for the elderly to be with persons of their own age as staying at home does not help. "They have no authority at home, they either play with the grandchildren or baby-sit them. Apart from that they have nothing to do, they're bored."
Dr. Doorbar also feels that the children themselves are often reluctant to send their parents to nursing homes because they feel guilty; that they are just 'dumping off' their parents.
But, the key is that you visit them regularly. She dispelled the myth that most elderly persons die quicker when placed in nursing homes. She believes that with the activities at these places, the fact that there is better medical coverage (doctor and nurse on call) and with frequent visits by family members it may actually keep them alive longer.
"Don't put grandma in a rocking chair!"
Outook visited two nursing homes in the Corporate Area St. Matthew's and Boothe's Homes for the Aged. At the St. Matthew's Home, there is space for seven residents. One of them, Ms. Caramita Harriet, says that even though the persons at the church (which runs the home) treat her very well, she is not totally happy. "The likkle bwoy dem (from the area) bother me, dem lick me, and run way." The home is located in Allman Town and there is also the gunshots to bother her.
Ms. Harriet, who is crippled and deaf, has no children. Had it not been for the benevolence of Cannon Gordon of St. Matthew's Church, it is uncertain where she would now be.
Another resident, 91-year-old Pearl Myrie, has lived at the home for six years. At one time she lived with her niece, but she ran a day care, so things were difficult. "Old people no have no business in a pickney sumting," her sense of humour as present as ever. She too fears the gunshots but still feels she is taken care of. "The only thing with the house in Barbican (her niece's), is that sometimes mi can't get no bus to come to church. But because I live right here I just hear when the bell ring." Still jovial, she chastised us for not giving her time to 'fix up' herself. At 91, she shows no sign of slowing up.
At Boothe's Home for the Aged, which has been in operation for four years, matron Viveen Boothe, attest to Dr. Doorbar's belief that these persons are kept alive by these homes. "Everyone you see in the yard now has been living with us. Only three residents have died in the four years." The home, situated on 43 Queen's Avenue, provides a home for 15 elderly and has space for two more. Round-the-clock care is provided because the nurses work in shifts. There is also a resident doctor in case of emergencies. For those persons that need more intensive medical care, the home is not equipped for them.
Speaking to some of the residents, the first thing that greets you is a warm smile. Even if they can't hear you properly or if the mind is a little slower than previous years, they can still maintain a conversation.
Adolph Edwards, who suffered a stroke, still has a fairly strong handshake. He can hardly speak but still has his wits. He has two sons to take care of him but because he has hypertension and diabetes, they thought it best to let him stay in a home where he can be better cared for. His wife, who is in the United States is filing for him so he will leave soon. Elmora McEnnis is not as fortunate. Her only son died and so she had to live with her brother.
Some residents at the home have been abandoned by their children. "We call them and tell them to visit and they say alright, but some never show."
This is why 4:00 o'clock every day is so important. "That's the time of the day when the residents get to play dominoes, cards, we (the nurses) read the Bible to them, tell them about God and just talk with them. They will tell you their life stories and everything."
She feels that it's these times that you really get to know them. Furthermore, they get to feel that they belong and more importantly, that they are loved.
