Avia Ustanny, Freelance Writer
THE OLD observation that, for every child, mother loses a tooth, has been proven to be true. Or, nearly so.
Medical researchers, remarking on the poorer oral health, such as more gum bleeding and deeper pockets between teeth and gums in mothers, have attributed this to the child, but not in the way that immediately comes to mind. The child is not pulling calcium from Mom.
Neither, says T. Roma Jasinevicius, an assistant professor of restorative dentistry observes, "does it appear they (mothers) are negligent with their oral hygiene."
The professor has developed a study which concluded that the stress that comes later with child care.
A tooth is the least of what mom may lose. If she does not know how to make time to relax, to find time to physically care for herself and to make room for indulgences, she may lose her peace of mind, or become really depressed.
Karen Kleiman, licensed clinical social worker and the founder and director of The Postpartum Stress Center near Philadelphia, observes that birth of a baby challenges mothers in many ways: hormonally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and biochemically.
"Mom is likely to feel exhausted, excited, frustrated, worried, and elated all at the same time. No wonder she feels stressed out," Kleiman says.
To reduce the effects of this stress, which might result in such tragedies as tooth loss, or other physical symptoms, it is important that mothers take care of themselves, especially during the early months of baby's life.
Kleiman states that all moms should:
Take care of yourself
Sleep as much and as often as you can because sleep deprivation will make everything seem worse. If your baby is keeping you up at night, make sure to rest when your baby is napping. This is not the time to write thank-you notes or clean the floor. Sleep is nature's way of giving you time to recuperate and keep your system working in tip-top shape.
Eat nutritiously
Avoid junk food, alcohol, and caffeine. These will increase fatigue and interfere with your body's ability to strengthen itself.
Exercise moderately
Taking a brisk 20- to 30-minute walk a few days a week is perfect. If you can't get out to do that, walk or take the stairs whenever you can. When you're out running errands with the baby or by yourself, park a little farther from your destination and stretch your legs.
Make time for yourself
Private time isn't a luxury; it's vital to emotional well-being. Take a hot bath in the evening, or steal away for an hour to read a good book. Or rent a movie in the middle of the day or get your nails done. Whatever you do, make yourself a priority right now. Create a list of things you miss or things that make you feel good. Follow through on one or more on days when you need a lift.
Create 'couple time'
After the birth of a baby, your focus shifts, understandably, to him. But reclaim lost moments by making time for the two of you. Take a walk. Get a baby-sitter and go out for dinner or a movie. Find something to laugh about. Spending time together is an essential ingredient to maintaining the health of your marriage. Sometimes the strongest relationships are the ones that suffer the most in the early months after a baby arrives. Reward yourself regularly.
Nurture the nurturer
If you expect an overload of stress, with some days being worse than others, you'll be better prepared for them. On the good days, get as much out of them as you can by accomplishing as many tasks as you want. On the down days, remember to give yourself a breather. Break some rules (eat chocolate in the morning!), stretch the limits (make a long-distance call before the rates go down at 5 p.m.), and don't deny yourself the opportunity to feel good, Kleiman says.
Mom's unconditional love
MOMMY, WHERE'S the red shirt I wore last week?" "Mummy, yuh nuh finish wid mi lunch yet?" "Mom, remember to pick me up after ballet practice, and stop by the club for my new tennis rackets."
"Mama, wake me up early tomorrow, I need to finish my assignment."
Sounds familiar?
Well, if you're a mom, it does. The only thing missing, most of the time, is 'Please'.
Mothers have always been called upon to be chef, counsellor, maid, chauffeur and all the other professions that their children thrust upon them. But have they ever stopped to say 'Thanks'? Mothers are people too and they too have a life, a little appreciation goes a long way. It is never enough to just assume that it's a mom's job to do what her husband and children want her to do.
What the heck would happen if for just one day, Mom took industrial action? What if Mom should really go on strike?
Well, we asked a few mothers if they would go on strike for a day and their answers ranged from "It's against my religion" to "Yuh mussi mad!" Such love these mothers have for their children. They would never think of relieving themselves of their motherly duties, even for a day. These mothers must be mad or madly in love with their children. Still, we didn't give up hope and we stumbled upon a mother, who after hours of persuasion and lots of compromise, decided to strike for a day.
Now, Denise, mother of two a five-year-old and a nine-year-old, said she could strike on Friday, because her children can get themselves ready for school and she doesn't usually cook on a Friday (compromise). Her daughter can make them breakfast (cereal) so the most important things are out of the way. A taxi picks them up for school and takes them back home, therefore, that's out of the way.
At this point, I'm sure you're wondering, what is she striking from, really. Well, she basically will not pick up after them; will not succumb to their pleas of 'Mummy we want this and that' and she will not keep telling them the same things over and over. In fact, she will, as much as she can, not be a mother for the day. How difficult can that be?
On a regular day Denise has the following duties:
1. Wakes them and supervises them so they get ready for school on time.2. Prepares breakfast 3. When they are off she tidies the house and wipes the floor every day (White ceramic, red dirt).4. Does the laundry (by hand) almost every other day.5. Cooks most times. 6. Visits her mother every day: takes breakfast and dinner and helps her with whatever she is doing.According to Denise, the children come in after three and they head straight to the fridge. They do their homework and if Daddy is in early he reads to them or plays games with them.
Usually the children are in bed between 8:30 and 9:00 on a school night. Denise says they are not badly behaved children, but they snack too much and you have to tell them to do the same things over and over, especially Jamelee.
This is how it went:
Like a true mother Denise is up with the fowls at 5:30 a.m. She is tempted to wake them, but she's on strike, so she simply reads her Bible and goes back to lie down. She didn't wake them. She scores one point. They get up by themselves but they are up late and Jamelee walks up and down the place until about 7:30 a.m. "She took a million years to bathe, because I wasn't supervising her." She finishes after eight.
Jamelee makes tea and cereal before she goes to school. But like an ill omen, her brother Brandon isn't feeling so well, so he has to stay home. But, Denise says he took his own medicine so she didn't have to give him.
As the day progresses she begins to feel a little weird, walking up and down with nothing to do. She takes clothes off the line (it was about to rain she said). Still in pajamas, she walks up and down the house with a mother's torment the place is a mess and she can't do a thing. The beds are left unmade and she isn't making them. Of course, by this time Brandon is too busy playing video games to care. He knows where to get his snack and he gets it!
They leave for Grandma's house which is about a five minutes' walk she can't leave him alone, he is too young! So he hops along. When they get there, they see Grandma fixing lunch and Brandon joins her in the kitchen.
By 1:00 p.m. Jamelee comes home from school and she brings with her, her friend, Christina. Jamelee is supposed to sleep over at Christina's on Saturday but decided to do it Friday evening. Of course, her clothes are not packed and Denise is on strike so she will have to do them herself! She has to wash her slippers and pack all the necessary things to make the visit unsupervised. Christina's mother can't wait so she has to return for them. "I didn't prepare anything for them," Denise told us. Jamelee had to play hostess. She had to find clothes for Christina to change into and she made them snacks peanut butter with crackers and jam. Jamalee left at about 5:00 p.m.
She doesn't seem to be cheating so far.
When the Outlook team visited, the beds were made but the sheets were not really straight and a bit crumpled Brandon made them. There were pajamas on the bed, bubbles, comb, lotion and toys. The verandah had books and toys strewn about. Mom, Denise was still in pajamas and her hair was uncombed. Brandon, shortly after, was on the bed playing video games. She was on strike!
But she felt guilty.
This is so typical of mothers who feel that they have absconded their roles, even for a day. At the end of the day, "I kinda feel guilty, that I didn't pay them any mind for the whole time."
And what's worse is that she has all the fixing up to do after her strike is over.
