By Petulia Clarke, Staff Reporter 
Kay Mundle at her sewing machine. - Norman Grindley
This is part five in a series looking at the impact of crime on families in Jamaica.
WHEN SOMEONE you love dies, you fall into a deep, sick kind of depression. If you have a strong support system of family and friends, you may be able to cope. If you don't, the grief can slowly kill you.
Kay Mundle "nearly lost it" when her five-year-old son Curtis Forsythe (Scotty) was killed by a gunman while he was standing at the intersection of North Street and Bond Street Kingston on April 5, Good Friday 1996. Three other persons were also shot.
Kay was four months pregnant at the time.
"On the night after it happened I said my God, it got to me bad, I told my friends not to leave me alone, because if they left I'd die too," she said in a phone interview.
"I didn't understand that I'd get through it, I realised that my head wasn't there, sometimes it hurts so badly, I don't think I've ever felt that torn."
Her voice trembled as she struggled to remember the feelings that threatened to overwhelm her at the time. "Luckily, I had support from a lot of friends and family daily, minutely and nightly," she said. "Most asked how I took it, because even at the funeral I never broke down. But I wasn't keeping it for myself alone, but for my unborn daughter."
Six years later Kay says that she's tried to move on. She is a dressmaker and has left Bond Street in West Kingston to live in Mountain View. Her daughter Dunntey is five.
But it's hard to forget the little boy, whose personality she sees mirrored in her daughter.
"He never had a bad side," she said. "I just think about the good person he was."
A year after Scotty's death Kay "got saved". Today the 35-year-old is a devoted Christian who attends the Calvary Pentecostal Church of Christ.
She explained though that she almost gave up when Scotty was killed.
"I took it easy, even at the funeral people wondered how I never broke down," she said. "But the pain remained inside, I was breaking up and nobody knew, I always put the best on the outside".
She said that she held on for her daughter, affectionately called 'Baby Love', who Scotty named before he died. "He was very sensitive, I remember he always wanted a baby, a real baby to play with," she said. "He always asked me to buy him a little baby, I would explain to him that God sent them." She added: "When I got pregnant, I told him that I had a baby inside. Everyday after school he'd save five dollars to buy something for me and the baby. I know he'd take care of her if he was here."
Though the children's father Winston is no longer in the picture Kay has her faith to help her move on. "It hurts sometimes, especially when I see little boys his age, I have flashbacks and wonder if Scotty would have looked like that," she said. "On birthdays I remember him, at first I would go to his graveside, nowadays, I just note how old he'd be and what he would be doing at this age."
And for her, even today, Good Friday is still one of the worst holidays.
"At first I couldn't understand it. I remembered on public holidays I would fix him up and take him out, now I don't allow Baby Love to go certain places. People wonder why I protect her so much, but I have to, she's all I have now. I tell her about her brother. She asks me how he died and I tell her."
Getting saved proved to be the balm she needed to get her through the six years. And getting saved will help her cope this November 29 when Scotty would have turned 11.
"When I got saved, it was easier, very, very much easier to deal with it then. Maybe the Lord was speaking through him to me, he (Scotty) always told me to be good. I've taken a different road now, I'm a child of God, I took the step because I needed a comforter, now I've found one."
And at times, the many minutes of everyday when she wakes up and remembers the angelic face of her smart little boy, she finds refuge in the belief that he would have been proud of her. "I loved him so much, that kid taught me so much," she said. "I search myself sometimes, I wonder, did I beat him too much? Did I treat him bad? Did I punish him too hard? Now I'll tell parents not to scatter roses, show your kids love now while you can. I think he'd have been very proud of me," she said, "when he was here, anytime I was not smiling he'd ask what happened to me. My little girl came to be just as concerned, she has the same attitude, she's loving and people love her."
And the future looks hopeful for Kay and Baby Love.
"I'm comfortable now, with the Lord by my side I'm hoping for the best for me and my daughter as we grow in God's way. Being a child of God it's different, you can survive anything."
The police say that Scotty was killed in a crossfire in West Kingston at about 1:15 p.m. on Good Friday in 1996. "Dada, me a go dead! Dada, it a bun me, me ago dead" were his last words.
Police records then, showed that more than 50 children had been killed in crossfire in inner-city communities over the past four years. Reports were that the killer was "dressed as if he was coming from school." On reaching the intersection of Bond and North streets he opened fire on a group of men, hitting young Scotty. Scotty was a student of Holy Family School in Central Kingston and was assisting his father with chores around the house and had gone to his gate to throw away pieces of board when he was shot.
Nineteen-year-old labourer Andre Watson, also known as 'Chineyman', was arrested and charged with the killing in November 1996.
