Of children and manhood

WESTERN BUREAU:

I DID NOT realise just how much the perception of a male being a man is linked to fathering children until I became one. A father, that is.
It had never occurred to me to put children in the equation. It seemed like a natural progression ­ you're born with a penis and testicles, you grow up, you are a man. No additives, no preservatives.

Sure, there were those clips from protest action surrounding the US civil rights movement with Black men carrying signs saying "I am a man". But that had to do with those men being called boys in a society where racism was officially endorsed (it still exists, but it is more subtle).

Then I became a father and a couple folks said they have to stop calling me 'Mel' and address me as 'Mr. Cooke'. Then I became a father twice over and I became 'Mr. Mr. Cooke'. It was all said in jest, of course, but it is indicative of a link between manhood and fathering children.

And I used to wonder why persons I considered idlers would constantly brag about the number of children they had when they laid claims to being a man.

The day our second child was born, I started teasing a co-worker at The Gleaner (who will probably read this and recognise himself) who is older than me but has no offspring as yet. "Dem bway dey a Man Guinep! Dem bway dey ave built-in condom. Sweat fi nutten!" I chortled. "Suppen wrong wid yu! Yu mean sey yu a ave sex fi at leas 18 to 20 year an yu neva ave a slip yet, no condom no buss, no nutten? Nah man. Sitten wrong!" I announced.

All in jest, of course. And, laughing, he took it in the same spirit, but he also said something that was very instructive. He said that if it so happens that he cannot father children, he will not feel any less of a man.

And I thought of a story published in The Gleaner earlier this year which said that over one-third of Caribbean (or was it Jamaican?) men are physically unable to father children. Strange, considering that it is mostly women I have heard about going to fertility clinics. The pressure is always on the woman to reproduce ­ she is always the 'mule'.

Interestingly, I read another Gleaner story some time ago which said that nearly half of the Caribbean's men were fathering children which were actually not theirs. In other words, 'nuff jacket a stitch'. I wonder if there is a connection between the two stats.

For me, male adult and man are nearly interchangeable, as long as he does not abuse people physically or emotionally. There are men and there are MEN, but that is another matter.

Fathering children has nothing to do with being a man. There are many other factors, including self-reliance, honesty, some sort of moral code and at least an attempt of intellectual interaction with the society. But fatting up stomach is not one of them.

And for those who have helped produce children and think that it makes them men, it's not how many you breed that counts. It's how many you feed.

Mel Cooke

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