Babyfather's dilemma

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you in the name of Jesus Christ our soon coming King. I am living with my baby father, but he has three children with three different women.

He is a farmer. I am the first woman he has ever lived with. One of his baby mothers is always in war with him. She is always threatening him. One day she told him she is going to throw acid on him. She is vexed with him because he is living with me and she said he should be living with her. She is doing everything to get him to leave me, and to take her to live with him.

This girl does not work. She wants my boyfriend to support her fully. Her mother is living in the States and she sends money for her, but she is still not satisfied. I love this man and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He treats me very well and I do not want to lose him.

Please tell me what to do.

Unnamed., St. Catherine

Dear Unnamed,

This man wouldn't leave you if he has decided to settle down and to stop the running around. He has children with different women, but now he is living with you.

Perhaps he has come to realize that having children with different mothers is not very wise. His money has to be shared up into small amounts to support all his children. It would have been better for him to support one home with all his children. That is not going to happen because he started out badly. He has to do his best out of a bad situation.

You ought to ignore this woman who is trying to make your life miserable. You know she wants him back. You do not have to do anything extraordinary to keep him. You shouldn't even say anything negative about her, just encourage him to support the child she has for him.

I suggest also that you encourage him to get married. Both of you should not live in concubinage. You shouldn't give him the impression that you want to continue living in a common-law relationship. Take care of your man and yourself.

Pastor

Trouble in the camp!

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you in the mighty name of Jesus. I am a regular reader of your column and I would like you to help me. I am a bit confused because I have a problem and I am not dealing with it very well.

I have a boyfriend. I fell in love with him about three years ago, but I am still living with my parents. I am twenty three years old and my boyfriend is twenty five. Sometimes on weekends I visit him. But I always tell him when I am coming because he works on shift.

One night I called him and told him I was coming over to spend the weekend with him. I noticed he was not talking much. He was not his usual self. I asked him what happened and he said he was sleepy. I became suspicious so instead of going to see him on the Friday evening as usual, I went on the Thursday. When I went I did not see his car, but I noticed that the window to his bedroom was opened. I knocked on the front door and a girl came out. She was pregnant. I asked her for my boyfriend and she said he is at work. I asked her if she is related to him and she said he is her boyfriend.

I was speechless. I did not know that he had another girlfriend. I told the girl that he was my boyfriend and I came to spend the weekend with him. I couldn't move from where I was standing. She brought me a chair and I sat under the mango tree until he came home. When he came and saw me it was late. He was frightened. He started to quarrel and said I told him I was coming on Friday. He did not want the girl to hear what we were talking, so every time I raised my voice he asked me to talk quietly.

That night he took me to one of his sister's house to sleep. He said it was a mistake. He does not love the girl who is pregnant for him. He spent half the night with me and went home. The following morning he came to his sister's house and was begging me not to leave him. I am confused. His sister refused to tell me what she knows about the girl. She said that both of us have to work out our problem.

I love this man very much. We were planning to get married. My parents think the world of him. Please tell me what to do.

T.F., St. James

Dear T.F.,

It may not be easy to know whether your boyfriend is speaking the truth. He told you that he made a mistake by getting the young woman pregnant. However, she told you that he is her man. That means that he gave her the assurance that he is in love with her. And that everything is going to be alright between the both of them.

She was not expecting to see another woman coming to visit him. She was just as shocked as you were. And I am certain that he had to tell lies to cover up his behaviour.

His sister did not want to say anything to you because she knows very well that the pregnant girl and himself are lovers, and she does not want to expose him. You should know that he might have warned her to keep her mouth shut. As far as she is concerned you have seen with your own eyes what you have seen, so it is up to you to decide what to do. You would not be able to blame his sister for anything because she is silent.

You should leave this man alone. If his involvement with the other woman is really a mistake, time would tell. If he is speaking the truth, he would be after you like hot bread. You should not budge until you are absolutely sure that he is not continuing to have a sexual relationship with his baby mother. You should not visit his house. Let him come to your house to see you.

Remember, he may not be speaking the truth, so you should not give the impression that you believe every word he says. His baby mother may be hearing a different story from him about you. So be careful.

Pastor

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