Dear Pastor,
I am a regular reader of your column, and I see where you have helped many people. I am the father of three children. I used to cheat on my children's mother with another man's woman. This man's woman used to complain to me that he was not satisfying her.
I got her pregnant but because the man had money, she she gave the child to him so she could collect big money. At that time I was not working. But I got a job and I did everything to support the child. The child is now big and will be taking her CXC examinations next year. I do not want to disturb her mind and that is the reason why I have not gone to talk to her.
I sent a message to the man who is playing the role of father to the child and I told him the truth about this child. He is a politician. I feel hurt when he roughs up the child knowing that he is not her real father.
I have spoken to the mother about this man, but because of money she is still playing with him. I love my child, I am waiting for your advice. W.B., St. Elizabeth
Dear W.B.,
I suggest that you leave this young lady alone. She does not know you to be her father. She is doing well and her mother and the man she knows as her father are taking care of her. You say that you have supported her. Why did you do that while according to you the other man was giving the mother big money? That does not make sense.
Whether or not you are the biological father of this girl, that is not very important right now. The important factor is that she is being taken care of. You should not cause any unhappiness to her. What I am trying to tell you is to keep yourself quiet. You were wrong to have sent a message to the man about the girl.
Pastor
AIDS scare at school
Dear Pastor,
I have a very strong concern. My classmates are also very scared. I am a 15-year-old student and I am attending a high school in Hanover. I am in third form. It is rumoured throughout our school among students that a grade nine student was chased by his father from his home because he had a male partner living there.
Both are said to be gay. We saw the guy at the school with the student in the vice-principal's office and we have found out that the guy has the HIV virus. He is getting treatment at a home until his time comes to go. He confessed that he had sex with fellow students.
This has caused panic at the school because he is a nice guy and he has a lot of girlfriends at the school. Just as he had sex without using a condom with the man, God knows what he has been doing with some of these young girls. The names of three guys have been called, and two of them have gone for treatment.
My parents have decided not to send me back to that school. It is because of this situation at the school why we have written to you for your speedy response. We are at risk.
Students, Hanover
Dear Students,
I have observed that six persons signed the letter you have written to me. If the things you have said are true, I would expect the principal of your school to deal with the matter. It is not good enough to write to me and to bring it to the public's attention. The matter should be handled by the administration of your school.
You would observe that I have not mentioned the name of the school. To do so would be irresponsible. I cannot prove what you are saying to be true. Neither can I say you are lying. I do know that if students are having sexual intercourse without protection and they are carrying the HIV virus, it is indeed a matter of concern, and the matter should be dealt with speedily.
This young man you accused of having a male lover, and who is popular with the girls should by now be very uncomfortable as a student whether the accusation is true or false. People could be very vicious and it is very easy for a person's reputation to be tarnished by others. If those of you who have written to me are concerned about your school, you should speak to the principal and vice-principal of your school without delay. That is my suggestion.
You said the guy was seen in the vice-principal's office. You are assuming that they were there because of what was rumoured about them. The school has an obligation to speak to the parents on this very serious matter if indeed what has been said among students can be substantiated.
Pastor
Teenager longs for a 'good mother'
Dear Pastor,
I am 16 years old and I need your advice. I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. I am having a problem. She believes in obeah. I had a boyfriend, but my mother wants me to talk to guys she likes, and if a guy does not give me money everyday she says I should not talk to him.
One Saturday I went to May Pen to visit my boyfriend, and I went home with him. I went back to my mother's house the following day which was Sunday. She said she was going to kill me. I decided that I was going to run away. She called me all kinds of names. I can read so I know how to deal with my problems.
I want to know if it is wrong for anyone to crave for love. Sometimes I go to school without money. She goes out and prostitutes herself for money. I want to go and live with a good mother. I loved my boyfriend. He is 20 years old. He is not in Jamaica now, he is in America. I had to break up with him because of my mother. I would like to tell mothers to love their girl children.
J., Clarendon
Dear J.,
It seems to me that you have learned from your mother. If she goes out and sells her body, you feel that you have a right to go and sleep with your boyfriend one night and come home the following day. I suppose your mother was angry because to her, it is alright to have boyfriends and to take money from them as long as you don't sleep out at your age.
I believe that you were wrong to sleep at your boyfriend's house. Your mother did not give you permission to stay out. But she shouldn't threaten to kill you because you feel that you can do what she does. She has not set good examples for you. She has taught you to accept money from the men she thinks are good for you.
Please do not be tempted to go and live with a man. If you do, you may find that life would be much harder. I want you to study hard and to pass your examinations. When you have a reasonable education you would be in a position to fight life.
Make sure you go to church. Read your Bible and pray everyday. I understand your problem. You are searching for love. Perhaps you have not experienced that at home and you believe that you can get that from men. I am afraid that what you are looking for may elude you, so take your time and grow up. Find fellowship with other young people at church. When you have problems, talk to your guidance counsellor and the wife of your minister. They should be able to counsel you and encourage you.
Pastor
Boyfriend in jail on rape charge
Dear Pastor,
I am 17 years old and I need your advice. I have boyfriend and he is 21 years old. For the last six months he is in jail and cannot get any bail. He is on a rape charge. The girl he is accused of raping used to be his girlfriend. At the time of the incident he was friendly with her and friendly with me. At that time he was living in rural Jamaica and I was living in Kingston.
The reason why he was friendly with her was because I was living in Kingston, so he couldn't get to be with me. Three months before the incident took place we started having sex and going out. He treated me very well. I can't wait for him to get out of jail. I always visit him. I do not know what is going to happen when he goes back to court.
I am stressed out. I really care for him. He took my virginity. I do not have feelings for any other man. I do not want him to think that I have another man.
Please pray for him and me. I do not know what to do.
H., Kingston
Dear H.,
Does this man have a lawyer? For the past six months he is in custody and he has not received bail. He needs a lawyer. What happened to his relatives? Can't they help him? Do you know his relatives?
You say you always visit him. He should tell you the names of his relatives and where they live. Somebody has to help him. When you visit him again, talk to him about the case and who would represent him in court. You do not have the money, but I am sure the court will give him bail if someone is willing to stand surety.
Pastor
