HAPPY Mother's Day to me own boonoonoos Miss Celes and all maddas. Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who cyaan hear suh good. But can tell yu seh a neva four a clack yu did tell Pooncie fe come. A quarter to three. Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who cyaan si a ting. But can ask yu seh which part y'a go inna dat deh tight skirt. A when yu tun police corpral?
Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who try fe fine a way fe bring up money inna de argiment. When everybaddy else a ask a talk bout de heap a gunman dem. Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who realise seh at de time a de argiment, nubaddy else nuh interested inna weh she waan put pon de agenda. But if dem fly high or low tiddeh dem a go hear.
Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who, inna de midst a de argiment gi out: "Well if palitician did pay de gunman dem maybe dem wouldn't tun roun now a try kill off everybaddy." Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who realise seh de money argiment lick de agenda suh dem gi out quick: "Wait, a me go talk bout money. W'happen to de little ting weh yu owe me?"
Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who still cyaan memba seh we inna 2001. But can memba seh a neva five hundred dallah dem did len yu. A five hundred and fifty. An yu seh yu did a go roun it off to six hundred.
Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who sell de piece a lan a country suh dentiss coulda fix dem mout. But kip de false teet inna glass a water till dem hear smady seh "good heveling, good heveling" pon verandah. Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who fa dactah beg dem hard fe watch de sugar. But wi tell yu seh gi dem de lilly piece a yam if y'a gi dem. An nuh badda wid de long argiment.
Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who seh dem knee cup a gi dem all weh dem a look fa. But tep like any Christmus turkey when dem nuh realise seh yu deh oneside a watch. Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who roun a back a sing 'Amazing Grace' pon all kine a note. But begin cuss backside as any unwanted smady come to dem roun a front.
Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who, inna de midst of har bextation wid smady else, wi ask yu "Weh y'a go wid yu barehead an si rain a jew? Nuh yu cawk up like pilgrim whole night lass night?"
Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who always hab dinner cover up pon stove or inna fridge dis in case yu decide fe drap een. But after yu eat yu belly full ask why yu won't learn fe cook a you yard.
Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who siddung said place a de table wid yu an talk how she tired fe hear people crasses. But yet insist fe hear wah wrang wid yu. Happy Mother's Day to all maddas weh come een like seven different rock of Gibralter to har seven different pickney. Cause although har head a gadda water, she naw fegat a which secret belong to which pickney. Happy Mother's Day to all maddas who deh wid Pupa Jeezas, but every libing day still a whisper a wud inna yu aise.
Happy Mother's Day to all granny, aunty, an lady weh step een at de happinted time. An last but not least, happy Mother's Day to de unfortunate pickney weh haffi a raise dem madda an tun roun a raise demself.
Tek care!
Dr. Jennifer Keane-Dawes is a communications professor and a talk show host in the University of North Carolina system.
