For 38-year-oldAngela, life has been a series of dreams deferred a chain of unfortunate incidents. If it were not for her will to survive, her sense of self would wither like a raisin in the sun.
At age 16 she became pregnant: her father turned her out; refuge at the boyfriend was short-lived, as he brought home another girl and she had to return to the wrath and disapproval of her father. Angela worked alongside her father in the fields to supportMichael her firstborn, as the little support from his father had dried up.
Five years later Angela became pregnant again for the same man who turned her out. He subsequently disowned the child and terror reigned. This Manchesterian sought and found refuge in another man a good man. They set up house and she bore him two sons. These were the best years of her life. Of course, she didn't get on with her mother-in-law. As fate, or luck, would have it, he died. She was turned out of her house by her mother-in-law and moved straight in the arms of another man.
Angela insists these relationships were based solely on need. Babies numbers five, six and seven were born out of the latter union. One of the children died while still an infant.
Angela's dream was to become a teacher. She spoke with longing of her lifelong desire. "I always wanted to be a teacher, but mi only went to primary school and then mi get pregnant. I have not been back on my feet since."
Twenty-two years of broken dreams have seen her shifting focus and wanting to do well by her kids. The job at the meat shop in Mandeville doesn't yield much. Her boyfriend, who has six other children to maintain, shares what is left of his meagre salary with her. She saves a little "to finish the house so the children can have a better place to live".
The tears flow too frequently, she says and the feelings of anger and disappointment mount. She wishes she could turn back the hands of time exactly 22 years.
"My only wish in life is that I didn't get pregnant so early," Angela said.
For today, Mother's Day, is expected to be just another day for Angela. No chocolates, no flowers, no breakfast in bed.
"It is just another day. The kids don't have anything to offer. I will wake up as usual, at 4:30-5:00 a.m. and do mi regular work in the kitchen and around the house feeding everybody. Maybe I will find some time for myself," she says.
During that time Angela will continue to dream only this time, a different dream of a green grocers and a house for the kids.
Name changed upon request
