Dear Pastor,
I am 19years old. I am living with my mother and stepfather. I have two younger sisters and a brother. When I was about 15 years old my stepfather molested me. He hates to see me with a man. I try to tell my mother but she did not believe me. She said he was not that type of person.
Now it has happened to one of my younger sisters who is only 12 years old. She told me that he touched her on her private part one night and when she felt his hands she woke up. My mother was asleep. We tried to tell her again, but again she said that he is not that type of person and she knows him well he will not do these things. My mother went to him and asked him and he denied it.
We have an outside bathroom. Whenever I go to take a shower, if he is at home I don't shower properly because he is always staring in the bathroom. He is doing the same to my sister and my cousin. It has got to my brains that I want to kill him, yes, I really do. I believe that because my mom was raped when she was pregnant with me by my stepfather she refuses to believe that what we are saying is true.
Whenever my boyfriend comes to the house, my stepfather does not like it. He told my mother that he does not like him because he has nothing to offer him. My boyfriend gives me money, but I have to hide it. I love my boyfriend. My biggest nightmare is that my mother and stepfather are planning to get married in December, and sometimes my mother calls us nasty names.
From the bottom of my heart, I really, really hate this man and my mother hates me because I do not love him. I want her to open her eyes. Please give me your advice and keep up your good work.
L.S.,
Dear L.S.,
I understand your concern. This man has not earned any respect from your sisters and you. He has instead molested you and your mother has failed to protect you. She is a blind woman. He has got her to believe everything he says. Only the grace of God can make you love this wicked man.
On the other hand, I want you to understand that the time may come when your mother will realise that you were speaking the truth, but by that time it may be too late.
You cannot prevent her from marrying him, but you can do your very best to protect your sisters by telling them not to remain quiet if he continues to touch their private parts etc. They should also be told that they should report him to the police. In fact, you can take the matter in your hands by going to the police.
Your younger sisters should be taken away from that house, and if your mother won't protect them, you should. So make it clear to your mother that you would be prepared to do that if your stepfather attempts to molest your sisters.
Pastor
Husband thinks child is a 'jacket'
Dear Pastor,
I am a 32-year old married woman. I have three children. One was born before I got married and the other two years after I was married. Everything was going fine until my husband told me recently that he doubts that he is the father of our first child. I was so shocked, I had to sit down. When I asked him to explain he said she doesn't have anything for him or his relatives and he always suspected that I cheated on him.
Nothing could be further from the truth. I did not go to bed with anybody other than my husband but I found out from one of my daughters that one day when they were playing at my husband's mother's home their grandmother asked them to stop the noise and she said to my eldest child, "As for you, you are a jacket, you are not my son's pickney."
It is hard for me to relate to my husband now. Everyday I am crying over this. Please give me your advice. I've stopped sending the children to his mother, she's a hypocrite.
Dear E.D.,
You may think that I'm crazy but bear with me in my folly. I am glad that your husband told you what he has had on his mind all these years.
It is good that it has come out. Now both of you can deal with the problem. I do not mean to imply that he is correct in feeling that you are not a good woman but this whole matter of believing that you lied to him about paternity was killing him.
He needs to know now that you don't have anything to hide. Therefore, his doubts can be cleared up by doing a paternity test. Your doctor will advise you how that can be done. The matter should be settled once and for all
I do not wish to judge his mother. Sometimes parents poke their noses into their children's business and create all sorts of problems. Perhaps she put suspicion into his mind. Too bad she told the child that she is a jacket, the child will never forget that. Please forgive her for what she has done. You can prove her wrong. You must do it for your own peace of mind and to satisfy your husband's curiosity. Put them to shame, let your husband spend the money to do the paternity test.
Pastor.
I'm afraid to say I love you
Dear Pastor,
I am 17 years old and I have a problem and I need your advice. I have a boyfriend and he told me that he loves me, but I am not really sure that I am his only girlfriend.
I think I love him but I am afraid to show it. I do not know how one feels when one is really in love. I am so afraid to say, 'I love you'. We have been going together for one and a half years. What would he achieve if I should say to him, 'I love you'?
J.J., St. Catherine
Dear J.J.
If you were really in love you would know it. When the love bug bites, you will feel it. Everyone likes to hear these words, 'I love you'. But right now you cannot say them because you are not sure. So wait until you are certain that you are in love with this man.
Pastor
