Women becoming the men they want to marry

MAYBE YOU haven't really paid attention to the change in women these days. Or maybe you have and just been at a loss to put to words what's going on. Songs have been written about the change, from TLC's No Mo' Scrubs, to Destiny's Child's Independent Women. Men complain about the change and our parents are baffled by it.

Churches hold meetings about it and functions to somehow fix the change. I can't even begin to list the number of books written about this change in women. What change am I talking about?

It's actually the age-old statement uttered by every sister on the planet: Where are all the good men? The question they should be asking themselves is: When did I become the man?

The answer for women in the new millennium is actually quite simple and best described by (feminist) Gloria Steinem.

"We've become the men we wanted to marry." Profound, isn't it? And so true. We HAVE become the men we wanted to marry. We have become the ones our mothers said we should seek out and hold onto. We have become the ones our fathers said would take care of us the rest of our lives."

Now the problem -- that leaves men sort of on the sidelines waiting to get pulled into the game. They're suited up, but the coaches are still trying to figure out for what.

When you think about it, back in the day, our mothers were told to marry men who could provide financially for them and their children; protect them from everything; lead them in the right direction. Men were the heads of households and took their jobs seriously. Everyone revered the man as the one who made all the decisions concerning the household. But that was 20 years ago. These days, it's the ladies running the show. We've got great jobs or successful businesses. We buy or build our own homes. It's our stock portfolios that drive the stock market. We take self-defence classes to protect ourselves. When we're ready to have a baby, it's under our terms and when we're good and well ready.

TAKING CHARGE

We run our households, holding down a job, going to school while raising children. Somewhere along the way, we took over the role of the man, and in doing so, we've lost sight of the real men. However the change came about, it did, and now we are left with the aftermath. I'm not pointing fingers or trying to say who's wrong and right in this thing, but the reality is women are stronger and more capable of surviving on their own.

We didn't ask for the job, but it happened. And now we are stuck in the position of defining what we want in men and what men want in us. Do you want a strong woman who can stand up on her own two feet or do you want a woman who remembers the roles of the past and acquiesce to men? Do you want a man who takes control of every situation or one who caters to your every whim subserviently?

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?

What do we want in this
century? Trust and honesty. Sounds easy, but most are not capable of either. We carry so much baggage into relationships, that in the end, it's weighted down before it even begins. We look to someone else to fix the mistakes of someone else, rather than look within ourselves to fix our broken hearts. I'm not just talking about women, but men too. We're all guilty of doing it.

Women are so much in charge of their life that sometimes it's hard to make room for someone else, mainly a man. We look at our lives and wonder what can he contribute to it. We don't need his money, ride, or crib. We've got our own money and a black belt in karate.

We're educated, well-travelled, well-read individuals looking for a companion and we don't know what we're looking for. Know why? Ask these simple questions: When does a woman stop playing the man role long enough to let the man in her life be a man? How can you ask someone to put aside all her defence mechanisms long enough to let you in? And let's be honest, fellas, a strong woman can sometimes be too much of a
challenge.

Dealing with someone who's been holding her own for so long can be a bit much when trying to mesh two lives together. Everything becomes a power struggle and misunderstandings abound. What to do, what to do becomes the cry of many men while they struggle with the apple of their eye. Do you hold on or let go for someone easier to deal with? Fact, women have become stronger and more in control of their lives in the last ten years. Fact, men have taken to trying to find the meeker of the fairer sex. Fact, relationships between the two have failed at alarming rates.

Solution: men need to recognise what women have become and women need to recognise that men still serve a purpose in their lives. It could all be so simple, couldn't it? Larry Gray (The Infamous L-Boogie) People forget what you say, they forget what you do, but they never forget how you make them feel.

­ Anonymous

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